Friday, January 22, 2021

The Cult of the Mouse

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unsplash.com
The Cult of the Mouse

A religion in my Planet Motherfucker Campaign

The Cult of the Mouse promises endless entertainments to distract its devotees from the drudgery and dull monotony of the fallen world. The cult’s primary deity is the Mouse, an anthropomorphic rodent with an unwavering and unnerving grin who speaks to the blessed in a trilling falsetto. In addition, the cult also reveres a number of other saints or demigods. Some of these divine figures are anthropomorphic animals, such as ducks and dogs, but others are idealized princesses clad in radiant raiment. 

     The Mouse is worshiped primarily through the consumption of its holy gifts—cartoons for children, and television shows and movies about the adventures of superheroes and spacemen for emotionally stunted adults. The faithful believe that giving their attention to the Mouse and his sacred media offerings will dull the pain of existence, fill the void in their lives, and give them something worthwhile to devote their otherwise pointless lives to.

     Devotion to the Cult of the Mouse can be financially draining for its adherents. Not only are members of the congregation expected to pay for access to the sacred films and television programs made by the Mouse, they are encouraged to show their commitment to their god by buying clothes emblazoned with images of the religion’s holy figures and other decorative religious knickknacks. Each member of the Cult of the Mouse is required to make at least one pilgrimage to one of the sacred amusement parks maintained by the cult—either Mouseland on the west coast or Mouseworld in Swamplandia. This pilgrimage is meant to be undertaken with good cheer, now matter the distance to be traveled. It’s a small world, after all.

     Adherents of the cult are easily recognizable as they tend to wear hats that mimic the Mouse’s big round ears. 

Monday, January 18, 2021

The Lustful Turk

Episode 47: The Lustful Turk

The Lustful Turk is an 1828 pornographic adventure that presents readers with a cornucopia of semi-consensual sexual scenarios, fully intended to be read in a one-handed manner. Written by an anonymous writer at a time when publishing and selling pornography came with the risk of stiff legal penalties, this bodice-ripper tracks the turgid horizontal career of Ali, the Dey of Algiers, who ravishes his way through a veritable EU of virginal  concubines. Jack and Kate explore a world of highly specific and uncomfortable fantasies as they probe this classic of erotic literature.

How many virginities does a woman have? How elaborate is too elaborate when it comes to sex schemes? Do all Catholics imprison women in convents? All these questions and more will be answered in this episode of Bad Books for Bad People.

Monday, January 11, 2021

Drearborne House (Part One)

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This was the first time I've run Shadows of the Demon Lord...and the events that are chronicled within are as best I can remember now that a week or more has passed.

Characters

Arno dwarf priest

Dyer orc warrior

Glazier changeling magician

Events

Arno, Dyer, and Glazier were criminals being transported to a prison island until the cruel hand of fate intervened. For reasons unknown, the ship transporting them was wrecked; they escaped death in the frigid sea and managed to climb onto shore with what meager items they could scavenge from what washed ashore. Then their real problems began as they attempted to head north through the frozen wasteland. They found themselves harried by fey hunters who occasionally attempted to run them down for sport.

Cresting a snow-covered ridge, they surveyed the territory ahead of them and saw two landmarks of note: a ruined tower sitting amidst a forest of skeletal black trees and a building of stone whose chimneys lazily streamed smoke into the cold air. Considering that the latter building appear uncannily out of place given the geography, the group first opted to head to the tower. 

After a day's march to the ruins of the tower, they discovered a few corpses strewn about in front of it. The bodies showed signs of both slashes and blunt force trauma; they appeared to be fairly fresh. The corpses were looted of armor and piled up in the doorway to form a makeshift barricade of the recently departed when the party decided to stay overnight within the tower's shelter. However, during Arno's watch that night, the pile of corpses was disturbed by something outside pulling one of the corpses free and dragging it away into the forest. After finding a better vantage point, Arno was able to determine that the corpse-thief appeared to be a small, humanoid woman whose face was obscured with some sort of chaotic mask.

In the morning, the group set off for the building they had spied from the ridge. As they got closer, the two-story stone building seemed even more strangely placed against the landscape; it was an institutional building and the stone arch before the front door proclaimed the building to be "Drearborne House." 

The party entered the house through a back door. Exploration of the first floor revealed the house to be an orphanage. Glazier changed into a dress found in the headmistress's closet. A torn up and defaced pedagogy manual that recommended corporal punishment and deprivation as learning aids lay open on a desk in the library. A ransacked dormitory with a child's diary--the entries telling the sad tale of bullying that the headmistress refused to believe--posed more questions than answers. 

In the basement, the group discovered shelves full of pickled foods, tools and a workbench, and what appeared to be a hastily dug grave. Dyer was given the task of unearthing the skeletal remains, which appeared to be of a woman. She was given last rites by Arno and reburied.

And strangely, despite encountering no living beings within the house, it appeared to be warm, well kept, and in pristine condition. Just...empty, abandoned.

However, that is not to say that the house was completely unoccupied. The menacing figure of the headmistress, she who had stolen a corpse from the tower the night before, was spotted roaming the hallways, her heavy cane rapping rhythmically against the flooring. Her face was obscured by a mask made of torn paper--the pages from the book of pedagogy they had found in the library--which identified her as the creature who had stolen a corpse from their barricade.

More ominous still was the figure to be seen in the inner courtyard accessible from inside Drearborne House via a locked door that Dyer jimmied open; beneath a dead tree from which hung a noose sat a creature seemingly encased in ice--the body of a small child was trapped within. Approaching the rime-frosted creature caused it to stir from its rest. It extended menacing claws of ice and attacked the group. Things went badly for the group as the creature slashed at them with its claws and they failed to land any decisive blows. They fled to the kitchen, hoping to use embers from the oven to melt its icy armor. And yet they continued to take fearsome wounds from the creature.

Respite only came when Glazier assumed the form of the headmistress, roughly approximating what she had seen in an oil painting previously in Drearborne. It helped, of course, that she was already wearing the headmistress's clothes. Glazier's guise stopped the creature in its tracks. A sepulchral voice proclaimed, "Bring me the headmistress," and then it stalked away back to the courtyard.

To be continued.

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Tarts, Elder Gods, and New Companions

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Sable had to practically carry Devanya back down the Nachtmahr Mountains. Devanya experienced moments of lucidity, but most of her days and nights were spent raving about the voices of the elder gods that whispered and howled inside her head.

When she had control of herself, Devanya clung to Sable and insisted that they need to make their way to Chancel to seek an audience with the Choristers. "They have to be told," she said, "they have to know that the great old ones have returned."

Sable didn't like the sound of that, but she reassured Devanya that she would drag her to Chancel come hell or high water.

When they ran out of food, Sable left Devanya in a placid grove and began to forage. She surprised a beautiful young woman picking berries. The woman dropped her basket and stammered, "Oh, I didn't see you there. Mother sent me to gather fruit. She's making a tart."

Sable ran her good eye up and down the maid's comely form in what she hoped was a rakish and suggestive way. "It looks like she already has made a little tart."

The lady blushed.

But she also invited Sable and Devanya to stay with them and be fed before they resumed their journey to Chancel, which Sable described, half-correctly, as a "pilgrimage of sorts." Whatever else transpired in that humble cottage must remain a mystery, but Mandalia, so the girl was called, did leave her childhood home and accompany Sable and Devanya to Chancel.

* * *

The contrast between that rustic idyll and the muddy, smoky streets of Chancel could not have been more pronounced. Devanya was able to arrange a meeting the the Choristers. They paled at what she had to tell them, but the exact nature of that meeting, and what directives they may have given her, were hidden away behind closed doors. However, it was clear that when she emerged from the cathedral, her status as a priest was restored and she had been re-embraced to the bosom of the Church.

Sable, meanwhile, has roved the streets in search of a new companion who could provide aid in their quest to find the missing heir to Krevborna's throne--a fell task that been given to them by Thronzeker. Her search of the kind of places adventurers frequent--taverns and gutters, mostly--turned a likely candidate: Malachi Vulcra, an inhuman warrior who had previously been a member of the Knights Labyrinthian. Malachi's strange physiognomy--impossibly lanky, with mottled green skin stretched over a gaunt face--evidenced a link to the ancient Lilitu, but more promising still were his claims to knowledge of tracking, arcana, and the history of Krevborna's royal line.

* * *

Previous Adventures

Losing a Fight in a Frontier Tavern

The Cleric and the Cannibals

In the Court of the Vampire Queen


Friday, December 18, 2020

Bloodletting on the Kiss, The In-Between, Firelights

Howls of the damned for a snowed-in December:

Bloody Hammers, "Bloodletting on the Kiss"

In This Moment, "The In-Between"

Swallow the Sun, "Firelights"


Sunday, December 13, 2020

Nautical Flags as Alignment

International meanings for nautical flags. Or, alternately, I think they would do just as well as signifiers of the alignment of your character:


A: Alpha – diver down; keep clear

B: Bravo – carrying dangerous cargo

C: Charlie – yes

D: Delta – keep clear

E: Echo – altering course to starboard

F: Foxtrot – I am disabled

G: Golf – I want a pilot

H: Hotel – a pilot on board

I: India – I am altering course to port

J: Juliet – vessel on fire keep clear

K: Kilo – I want to communicate with you

L: Lima – stop your vessel instantly

M: Mike – my vessel is stopped

N: November – no

O: Oscar – Man overboard

P: Papa – vessel is about to sail

Q: Quebec – I request free pratique

R: Romeo – reverse course

S: Sierra – engines are going astern

T: Tango – keep clear

U: Uniform – you are heading into danger

V: Victor – require assistance

W: Whiskey – require medical assistance

X: X-ray – stop your intention

Y: Yankee – am dragging anchor

Z: Zulu – I require a tug