Characters
Beachgrinder, a wooden death metal tiki god in a torn Cannibal Corpse t-shirt
Kitten DeKlaw, an anime catgirl burglar in lycra booty shorts
Mako Gorejaw, a wereshark surfer who loves gnarly waves, dude
Thork Bloodbeard, an undead viking wielding the Axe of Crom
Mutilatrix, a military-grade robot domme with a whip
Events
The MONSTER SQUAD was on a train, sittin' tight in their magnetic handcuffs, on their way back to HQ from their last mission. Then the explosions started. The train rocked back and forth on the tracks as incendiaries burst around them, then the train derailed and turned side over side down a cliff.
When the dust settled, Kitten DeKlaw found herself free of her magnetic cuffs. She quickly got the others free, then they went in search of the lockbox where all their gear was stowed. What they found was TWO lockboxes: one that Thork smashed open held their weapons, but the other had been busted open with crowbars. While they were looking for clues as to what the fuck had happened, they heard the squawk of a walkie-talkie: it was Captain Johnny Goodkind, their handler.
Captain Goodkind told them that the other lockbox contained reels of a print of Birth of a Nation that had been psychically altered by Nazimancers and imprinted with the power to turn whoever watched it into a racist. Their new mission was to retrieve that film at all costs before it could be publicly broadcast.
Luckily, Mako picked up the blood-scent of someone who had cut their hand getting the lockbox open. They followed the smell down to a "town" that was really little more than a street with a few businesses (a grocery store called White Circle, a bar called Chode's Place, a movie theater called Family Pictures, a gas station called GAS STATION, and Lucky Chan's--a combination laundromat and Chinese restaurant), and a bunch of stacked cargo containers being used as homes.
Figuring that the evil film got taken to the movie theater, a couple members of the MONSTER SQUAD snuck in while the others kept the owner busy. They didn't find a rogue copy of Birth of a Nation, but they did find reels of Bambi and Deep Throat. They wrecked the theater's projector, then felt bad about it.
Their next stop was Lucky Chan's because they wanted some crab rangoon. Since they didn't have any money, they had to work for their treats: specifically, Kitten had to pretend to be one of those good luck cats with the moving paw in return for a plate of crab rangoon. They questioned the dude working there about who might have blown up the train--and he pointed outside as two racist-ass superpowered jerks, Redline and Sundowner, flew down from the sky.
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! They killed the two "superheroes," then went back to the theater, where the owner was weeping and holding his broken projector like a baby. Mako fixed it for the poor guy, and in return he told them that more super goons brought a reel in to test it--then high-tailed it out of town. He was able to point them in the right direction, then he hot-wired a car for 'em so they could head off in pursuit.
A ways out of town, they found a big gathering--and it turned out to be a meeting of the DNC. As they drove to the parking lot, they got the lay of the land--concessions, a stage with speakers, food trucks, a flea market, and a big ol' drive-in movie theater screen. The evildoers' plan was now clear: they were gonna make the DNCers watch a magic movie that would turn everyone racist! Fuckin' shit!
They immediately checked out the projection tower, but there was no way to enter it from the outside--the only entrance was from inside the concession stand. One of the workers at the concession stand was a teenage girl in a Naruto t-shirt; the group rapped with her about anime, which got her on side. She told them to meet her by the porta-potties in an hour and she'd help them get in.
With an hour to kill, the MONSTER SQUAD checked out the flea market. Beachgrinder got a serial killer's cocktail recipe, Kitten got jerky and porn mags, Thork got a flannel shirt, Mako got a tattoo, and Mutilatrix took a tour of items removed from rectums. The weirdest one? The skull of Jimmy Hoffa. Raises more questions than it answers, right?
When they met up with Naruto Girl again at the porta-potties, she gave them ninja climbing claws she had ordered from the back of a karate magazine. They went back to the projection tower and started to climb--and then they were attacked by a giant black bird. That's right, they had been ambushed by Jim Crow! Kitten launched herself at Jim Crow, riding him around as he flew crazily.
Jim Crow wasn't their only problem. A guy in a KKK hood calling himself the Grand Wizard came down from the sky and summoned lightning to strike at our heroes. If that wasn't bad enough, a minivan rolled up and a Karen with a machine gun, calling herself The Segregator, jumped out.
Kitten managed to force Jim Crow to crash land. She then smashed a claw into his beak, holding him in place while she put the barrel of her pistol to the side of his head, execution style. BLAMMO! Dead bird.
Meanwhile, a chanting crowd formed around Mutilatrix and The Segregator as they squared off, cat o' nine tails vs. machine gun. Then Mako came up behind The Segregator and bit her head off. Insert sad trombone sound here.
Thork leaped from the projection tower to take down the Grand Wizard--and missed. Totally ate shit. Thunder and lightning goddamn it's so exciting! Wounds all around, but Thork managed to cleave the racist wizard in two.
Beachgrinder made it up into the projectionist's booth and lit Birth of a Nation's silver nitrate reels on fire. They reported back to Johnny Goodkind that they had accomplished their mission. He told them to sit tight while another transport was dispatched from HQ, but they were like, nah, we're striking out on our own, see ya.
They piled back into their van and headed off, like the most fucked up version of the A-Team to ever exist.
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