We Three Kings Lay Mangled and Torn

This is my last blogpost of the year, so I figured I may as well go out with what passes for "holiday cheer" around here.

I've written a Christmas story every year for the past three years. This year's story is set on PLANET MOTHERFUCKER, so be forewarned: this story may just ruin your Christmas. If Santa's pooper, elves with big titties, or murderous reindeer ain't your bag--keeping walkin'.

For those built of stronger, stupider stuff: 

Look upon my works, ye Merry, and despair!

I present: WE THREE KINGS LAY MANGLED AND TORN