My Favorite Hangouts Games of 2017

It turns out that I ran a lot of D&D games online in 2017 via Google Hangouts. It is ridiculously flattering that on any given week I can put out the call to adventure and get a cast of interested and interesting players to traipse through my games. I don't think I had to cancel a single session in 2017 from lack of interest, and in many cases I had more people eager to play than I could actually accommodate. Without interested players, none of these games would have been fun or successful, so thanks for playing everybody.

Every session was fun in its own way, but some sessions stick in my mind more than others:

Krevborna
The House Locked in Enmity
I love a good ghost story, so it was great fun getting to try out some ideas I had for a haunted house adventure that I've had kicking around for a few years. Possibly one of the best compliments I've gotten: one of the players in this session reported having a nightmare afterward.

The Curse of the Moroi
This session had a good blend of the stuff I like in my games: investigation, moral dilemma, and exploration that culminated in a showdown with the supernatural in a horrible, challenging location. The Eastern European fairy tale elements I used here really pulled their weight.

The Horror of Art
The NPCs worked really well in this one; it became apparent that Alice and Nikolai had a more than professional relationship, and it was interesting to see how the player characters treated that. The mosquito monsters were fun, there was some nice social exploration, and Pietra Donna Sangino has the right stuff to be either a recurring villain or strange ally.

Scarabae
One Night at Fayaz's
I had the idea of an adventure that was D&D + Five Nights at Freddy's a while back, and finally got to run it. My favorite bit was the murderous cherub automatons--having them on a "track" added a random element to where and when they would appear and have to be dealt with by the players.

Post-Traumatic Adventure Syndrome
Adventuring inside the consequences of the adventuring life is edges felt like a novel premise, and possibly worked as a cautionary tale. This one became a bit allegorical even though that wasn't the intended effect, but that was a nice surprise.

The Incursion at the Heigelman Clinic
A messed-up medical facility is always already an A+ location for adventuring, but this one played out liked a really good action-horror flick. More than anything, I love that the party had the opportunity to explore more of the basement, but noped out of going further. Probably a wise move--it was pretty horrible in there.

As a player, I didn't get in on many games this year, but it's worthwhile to mention that I did get to play in three playtest sessions of Paul V's GRIDSHOCK (in which I got to play my favorite new character of the year, whose adventures I wrote up here and here and then flaked on writing up the last adventure) and one session in Erik Jensen's Wampus Country which was written up here.

They Were Nearly Killed by a Percy Shelley Poem

Image by Odobenus

Campaign: Scarabae (open table, Google Hangouts).

Characters: Traviata (human artificer), Crumb (kenku artificer), Khajj (minotaur cleric), Dr. Aleister (human fighter), Viktor (dragonborn sorcerer).

Objective: Enter the jungles of Hygea and rescue Yuriko from the Children of Fimbul cult.

Events: The party arrived at the city of Zarubad via steamship, in hot pursuit of the Fimbul cultists who had abducted Yuriko in the last adventure. Before setting off into the jungle, the party bought provisions, including a barrel of water, additional rations, insect repellent, fishing tackle, and a canoe. 

They also learned as much as they could about the jungle: it is rife with disease and insects, undead servants of a fallen paladin prowl within it, there is a fabled "lost city" somewhere therein that is a likely location for the Children of Fimbul's ritual involving Yuriko. 

Finally, they hired a woman named Salome to be their guide; Salome told them that the other guides were either incompetent or charlatans, and that they she knew paths through the jungle unknown to anyone else.

The group departed Zarubad, choosing to canoe down the westernmost river to navigate their way more quickly through the jungle in hopes of finding the basin where the lost city was said to be located. The first noteworthy site they encountered was a camp at the foot of a massive statue of a man carrying a crocodile on his back. The camp was in ruins; there was evidence of both a fire and claw marks on the shredded tents.

The statue had an entrance built between its feet that was a passageway that led to a stone door within the statue. The group managed to guile their way past a pit trap and a scything blade trap, but when the stone door was pulled open it cause a magical explosion to erupt. The party all managed to flatten themselves against the wall and avoid the explosion...except for Salome, who was thrown through the air and nearly killed.

There were piles of large bones inside the revealed chamber that seemed to belong to giant lizards, as well as a carved central pillar with a set of stone stairs wrapping around it. Fearing that the bones would animate, Viktor conducted a magical detection ritual; the bones were not magical, but several of the stairs were enchanted with abjuration spells. Those stairs were avoided, and the safer stairs were traversed. 

At the top of the pillar was an enchanted earthenware jug. When Viktor removed the jug, pieces of the statue began to rain down upon the party; the statute was crumbling with the adventurers within it! A mad scramble to escape ensued, and it was a particularly fraught exit as several members of the party were knocked unconscious by the falling debris. Khajj's healing magic and everybody still ambulatory dragging their knocked-out compatriots to safety managed to avoid fatalities by a hair's breadth. As the unconscious party members were revived by Traviata's healing draughts, Khajj's holy magic, and Aleister's medical training, the statue was reduced to nothing but a pair of feet upon a rocky dais. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

The party made camp and explored the rest of the surrounding carnage. Crumb was lowered into a horrible latrine because the corpse of a mercenary was discovered down in the pit; he retrieved a bag of gemstones from the body. A hatchling axe beak was found in the camp's animal pens; it was made friendly with some fish and kind treatment--now the party has a (dangerous) pet named Halberd.

After resting and recuperating in the remains of the camp, the party once again began traveling by canoe. The "river" they were on emptied out into a swampy basin rumored to be the home of lobsterfolk. (In truth, Salome had made a wrong turn down a tributary of the river instead of the main branch.) Beyond the basin was a plateau with a sheer cliff-face that rose above the jungle canopy. Using his magical slippers, Viktor was able to walk up the cliff with ease. He discovered rotten doors set into the cliff with a ledge running along it like a porch. Viktor attempted to use magic to open the doors, but they crumbled...and aroused someone from their slumber within.

A wizened, hunchbacked, and blind-looking old woman emerged asking who was at her door. Viktor introduced himself and the old woman wondered if this was the Viktor who used to deliver the bread. The old woman couldn't remember her own name and preferred to be called "Nanny." The rest of the party had arrived by this point, and Nanny was ranting about the "god-damn birdmen" in a nest on the cliff that were bothering her (she said this within earshot of Crumb, a kenku) and may have dropped some not-so-nice comments about "beasts" in front of Khajj (a minotaur). But she's blind and couldn't possibly be racist on purpose, right?

Well. 

Nanny also talked about her days as a young hellion practicing "dark magic," and when the group asked for any help she could provide finding the missing child she began to lick her lips hungrily. She offered to give the party a map to the where Yuriko was being kept if they agreed to bring her back some of the child to eat. The party agreed, Nanny went back into her cliff-side home to scry, and Traviata hatched a plan to poison her after she handed over the map.

Nanny eagerly drank the vial that Traviata claimed was wine and was duly poisoned...but the poison didn't kill her. It soon became apparent that Nanny could see just fine, as she attacked the party. It also turned out that her wizened old hide was as tough as iron; even Aleister had trouble piercing her flesh with his singing spear. Khajj leaned that she was incredibly strong; she easily broke the minotaur's attempt to catch her in a bear hug. Nanny put up a tough fight, but ultimately it was Salome, the guide the party had largely discounted, who executed a perfect spinning slash that sent Nanny's head tumbling down the cliff. "And that's how the sausage gets made," she said, feeling that she had proved her worth to these naive city-folk. 

The party decided to make camp and heal up from the hideous wounds inflicted by the hag. Next time they may ransack her home and get on with the map Nanny had drawn for them.

Treasure: One 10 gp eye agate each. Alchemy jug.

XP: 1033 each.

Attack of the Wigmother

Campaign: Scarabae (Open Table, Hangouts, 5e D&D)

Characters: Traviata Manu (human alchemist artificer), Khajj Khala (minotaur life cleric), Gisbert Highforge (dwarf fighter), Crumb (artificer).

Objective: Discover why adventurers are disappearing in Redgutter, and put a stop to the disappearances.

Events: The party met with Koska (tiefling quest giver), Voone Jaskar (tortle fence of looted goods), and Wick (fire genasi owner of the Bullroarer, a tavern that picaros hang out at), who explained that the rash of disappearing adventurers was hurting their businesses. They hired Traviata, Khajj, Gisbert, and Crumb to do some investigating and fix the situation, if possible.

The adventurers had little to go on: a party of crypt-kickers last spotted down by the old wharf, an elf trying to sell a crate of powdered wigs before he disappeared, and the tale of a drunk wizard claiming that something not of this world was active in the Redgutter Ward.

While investigating, the party realized they were being tailed by a halfling wearing a powdered wig. They managed to turn the tables and ambush him, but in the ensuing brawl they discovered that the wig was actually an alien creature holding onto the halfling's head with pincers; the wig had been controlling the halfing's actions.

Freed from the wig's influence, the halfing took the adventurers to where he had been ambushed by his wig-controlled friends and had a wig thrust upon him. They found the box that the wigs had come in; it was an old tea crate with an address for a broken-down warehouse near a disused section of the docks. Inside the warehouse, the party found a well and managed to traverse its treacherous handholds.

A giant skull was spotted in a flooded chamber; Gisbert was secured with a rope and sent down into the water with Traviata's cap of water breathing to ivestigate. Gisbert quickly discovered that a crab-like thing was using the giant's skull as a surrogate shell. Gisbert was yanked back to safety with the rope, but the crab followed. The aggressive crab was fought off.

Further exploration found a chamber in which massive black and violet mushrooms were growing. The mushrooms were being "fed" by rivulets of black liquid flowing from a statue of a woman sculpted from dark stone. The statue appeared to be wearing a white fur cloak, but further inspection revealed the "cloak" to be a giant powdered wig that had adhered itself to the statue's back. The wigmother sprang upon the party and, after a battle marked by many whiffed attacks, the picaros prevailed.

An adventurer was found chained in a chamber with alchemical gear; he was roused and set free. The party also found a bedchamber that was obviously still being used. It was duly looted. In the next room the party found a mockery of a dinner party: missing adventurers wearing wigs were dining with a man wrapped in a leaf-patterned cloak--clearly a member of the Children of Fimbul! Khajj charged in, horns first. Traviata used her newly acquired magic dagger to inflict a massive wound on the druid cultist. Crumb blasted away with his firearm. Gisbert protected the others with his shield while swinging his war pick. The group managed to kill the wigs without harming the adventurers they were controlling. As the druid died, he ominously proclaimed that "It was too late! Our plan is already in motion!"

The menaces beneath the warehouse now dealt with, the party continued exploring the depths. They found a large chamber in which a number of knocked-out adventurers were being kept chained to the walls; all were free, all were thankful, and all were pressed into service carrying the picaros' loot out of the warehouse. 

The party also took the druid's corpse with them, which proved to be a smart idea. When the party returned to inform Koska that they had accomplished their mission, they discovered her frantic and teary. While the party had been dealing with the mystery, more Children of Fimbul had teleported into Koska's home and abducted Yuriko, Koska's adopted daughter!

Aurulent Masque was able to conjure forth the dead druid's spirit from his corpse so that the group might learn more. The druid's spirit admitted that the plot to use the wig-creatures to abduct adventurers was deployed purely to get them out of the way so that the Children of Fimbul could more easily kidnap Yuriko. He also explained that the wig creatures had been stolen from a downed ethercraft while adventurers employed by the Magpie Museum were busy looting other sections of it. Finally, before departing for whatever afterlife awaited him, he let slip that Yuriko had been smuggled aboard a ship traveling to a southern jungle land where the Children of Fimbul hoped to use her in a ritual to bring forth a great marauding beast that will destroy the world!

NPCs: Koska, Voone Jaskar, Wick, Aurulent Masque.

Foes: Bewigged adventurers, wigmother, bone crab, a Children of Fimbul cultist.

Loot: 207 gp, 4 sp, and 5 cp each from looted coin and Koska's payment for the job

Ivory dice 75 gp, onyx locket 25 gp, silk handkerchief 20 gp, feather mask with silver threading 30 gp, soapstone pitcher 25 gp, antique iron dagger 100 gp, trade goods (tobacco, herbs, mead) 105 gp. If sold this adds 95 gp each to your haul.

Dagger of Venom (claimed by Traviata)

Scimitar +1 (Claimed by Gisbert)

Pistol +1 (treat as hand crossbow, the name "Heartseeker" is carved into the handle) (claimed by Crumb)

3 Potions of Greater Healing (split between Gisbert, Khajj, and Crumb)

2 Potions of Poison (claimed by Traviata).

XP: 308 each

The Sacrifice of Degenerate Art by Men Made of Salt

Oh look, the new Yvana Gallows album is out!

Campaign: Scarabae (Open Table, Google Hangouts, 5e D&D)

Characters: Mortimer Queensberry (human way of the fist monk), Traviata Manu (human alchemist artificer), Leonid Vok (weretouched fighter), Viktor (dragonborn sorcerer).

Objective: Recover the stolen master recording of Yvana Gallows's next album.

Events: The party was convened by Koska, one of the licensed quest givers in Redgutter. By the bucket of iced champagne sitting on her battle-scarred desk, it was obvious that Koska was trying to impress the client for whom she had arranged this meeting. Mortimer, Traviata, Leonid, and Viktor were introduced to Yvana Gallows, a famous black-maned and kohl-eyed chanteuse known for her the dissonant shrieks and moans. Gallows was wearing a black-plumed ensemble that made her look like a lounging vulture. Flanking her were two hulking bodyguards: a mangy, one-eyed gnoll named Cromgar and a grinning bugbear with green-dyed fur named Mint Julep. It turned out that a few of the characters Koska had called to this meeting were fans of Yvana Gallows; notably, Traviata was not.

Yvana Gallows had a problem: she had completed recording her latest album--etched, by audio magic, onto a glass disc that could be used to manufacture wax cylinders for sale--but someone had stolen the master from the recording studio! Gallows claimed to have no enemies in the music scene who might have stolen the recording to get back at her, but then she was so self-centered that she might not have noticed anyway. The idea of chasing up leads with sellers of bootlegs, over-eager fans, and rival musicians was considered, but the party decided to make their first stop the recording studio itself.

And so they made their way to Furiosa Deluxe, a studio owned and operated by a very intoxicated half-orc with dreadlocks and terrible tribal tattoos named Spandau. Spandau's offers to "party" with the adventurers were mostly ignored as they focused on their investigation. Spandau showed them the scene of the crime; someone had burst in through a sewer grate in a disused storage room. Near the broken sewer grate were large crystalline chunks that Traviata readily identified as being sharp bits of hardened salt. Viktor cast a light spell on his staff, and with the aid of a ladder brought in by Spandau, the party descended into the sewer to look for clues.

The waters of the sewer smelled, well, like a sewer, but Leonid's perceptive nose caught a strangely briny scent among the other odors. The party's exploration of the cobblestone walkway running alongside the sewer's rushing water discovered an area near the ledge that had foot and hand prints cast in salty residue; it looked as though something had slipped into the sewer, pulled itself back up onto the ledge, and left this strange residue behind. The party began to suspect salt-based creatures, perhaps a salt golem sent to steal the recording at the behest of a rival musician.

Further exploration in the sewers discovered an old worm train being held in rusty metal clamps above the water. Using Viktor's climbing kit, Mortimer ascended up to the worm train and made his way inside one of its segments. The interior was quite dusty, but the dust was undisturbed--Mortimer was the first person to be inside the worm train in quite some time. The rest of the party joined him, and they began to explore the train. Unfortunately, their combined weight was too much for the rusty metal clamps holding the train in stasis above the sewer's water; the worm train listed to the side before coming crashing down into the water.

The party rushed to the worm train's controls at the "front" of the worm as it began to squirm its way through the sewer's waters, but no one in the party was particularly adept at driving--so their efforts only served to goad the worm into undulating at an alarming rate down the tunnel. As the worm train picked up speed, a couple members of the party noticed through the windows that they passed humanoid figures that had been camped further down the cobblestone walkway. They also heard a thump on top of the train as it passed those figures, a scream that died away as the train sped further, and then a pounding sound that reverberated from the ceiling of the train down into one of the passenger compartments. The party armed themselves and went in search of the sound's origin.

What they found was that two of the figures they had passed had leaped on the worm train as it sped by, and had hacked their way into the worm's interior with axe blades comprised of hardened, sharpened salt. (A third had attempted to make the leap as well, but missed...which accounted for the scream they had heard.) Attempts to parlay were fruitless; the strange men, clad in clothes made of palm fronds, charged the party. Both were quickly dispatched, and both shattered into shards of rock salt upon death. The party rushed back to the worm train's controls but arrived just in time to see that, somehow, the worm train had cleared the sewers while they were fighting off the interlopers; now the worm train was skipping along the surface of a larger body of water and was rearing up to crash directly into an island! The party braced for impact.

Luckily, most of the party made it through the crash with only bumps and bruising; Leonid, however, was knocked out cold. The conscious portion of the party left the worm train where it had embedded itself and got their bearings. The sun that hung in the sky was not the sun that shone over Scarabae; it instead looked like a chunk of irregular salt that emitted a pinkish-orange light, much like a large Himalayan salt lamp. To the left of the party's landing spot was a crater in the island's crumbly soil. The center of the island was dominated by a lush jungle of sharp-edged tropical trees. Two volcanic peaks jutted out from the center of the jungle. The tallest peak had a ziggurat carved into its side; at the foot of the ziggurat was a small village of huts.

The party opted to approach the ziggurat from the right, through the jungle. As they neared the structure, they spotted six guards standing vigilantly before the only visible entrance to the ziggurat. Each of the guards was armed with a spear tipped with a jagged salt-like crystal. People were going about their business in the village below. The party's attempt to stealthily approach the side of the ziggurat was unsuccessful; four of the guards rushed them, and were beaten down. Like the interlopers on the worm train, the guards exploded into salty shards when dispatched. Viktor used his magical slippers to climb up to the second level of the ziggurat and get the drop on the two remaining guards with a chill touch spell as Mortimer and Traviata charged them.

The guards cleared away, the party entered the ziggurat. From the six sets of shackles stapled into the walls, the first chamber was a place of imprisonment. The next chamber held a bier, on which a man-shaped body completely crusted over with salt crystals laid in eternal rest. The final chamber on this level of the ziggurat featured a back wall obscured by a constant cascade of water and walls completely covered by etchings and pictographs. Viktor studied the pictographs and realized that the ziggurat was a temple dedicated to Razo the Unlistening, a deity who commanded his faithful to disapprove of "degenerate art" such as writing, painting, and music. The salt-encased body they had found belonged, in life, to Razo's first prophet. Traviata was incensed at this religion for philistines!

The stairs in the final chamber of the first floor led up to a room on the second where the party surprised a number of priestly acolytes getting dressed in their ritual garments. Traviata intimidated the priests, getting them to reveal that their minions had stolen the master recording of Yvana Gallows's album so that it might be sacrificed at the ziggurat in the name of Razo the Unlistening. When Mortimer pointed out that the pictographs in the ziggurat were themselves a kind of art, they failed to comprehend his meaning; such is the way of religious hypocrites and zealots. Attempts to get the acolytes to reveal the location of the recording fell short; pushed too far, the acolytes began to chant "nonononononono," summoning crowns of salty crystals that flew at the party like daggers. The party fought back, taking some damage in the process, but Viktor's waves of thunderous noise softened the acolytes up so they could be dispatched by Mortimer's fists and Traviata's gun.

Spying through the gap between the floor and the door in this chamber revealed that someone on the other side had their back against the door to hold it closed. Traviata splashed the ankles of the person holding the door shut with acid, causing them to leap away from the door while cursing "Son of a Razo!" The party burst through and found the head priest of the saltfolk clothed in ritual garments made of fronds from the jungle. The priest summoned a hammer of salt that swung at the adventurers of its own accord. They struck back with blunderbuss blasts, pugilism, and spells. The high priest created an aura of cutting salt that felled both Traviata and Viktor, but the battle was decided by Mortimer punching his fist through the priest's midsection--causing him to dissolve into a pile of salt granules. 

Mortimer stabilized his comrades, and the party barred the door to the chamber to recuperate. They discovered a lump of pinkish-orange salt and a potion that proved to be magical, as well as a demonic green mask made of salt and a collection plate filled with coins. More importantly, they found the master recording of Yvana Gallows's next album--thankfully they had gotten to it before it had been sacrificed! The final floor of the ziggurat opened up on an aperture where works of art that the saltfolk disapproved of would be thrown to the ground below and destroyed as a sacrifice to Razo the Unlistening. 

The party desecrated the ziggurat's pictrographs with acid on the way out, and collapsed the salt-covered remains of Razo's first disciple. (The salt-encrusted form proved to be hollow, much like the faith of the saltfolk.) Back at the crashed worm train, but party found another set of controls at the worm's other, undamaged, end. Careful study of the controls under less frantic circumstances led to better results; they got the worm train to move in reverse at a less-than-breakneck speed. Returning the way they came revealed that the party had crossed through a planar portal while fighting the saltfolk who invaded their train; going through the portal from this side put them back in the sewers of Scarabae. Traviata and Viktor stopped to study the portal and learned the secrets of manipulating its energies; they closed it, for now, and made its location difficult to find.

Back at Koska's offices the party found that the quest giver had already spent a portion of her cut from Gallows on a new sign that read Koska's Adventuring Collaborative. There was a tense moment when Traviata's jealousy over Yvana Gallows's popularity tempted her to smash the glass disk that held the new album before handing it over, but either her better nature or the promise of payment stayed her hand. Yvana promised to include the adventurer's names in the liner notes to the new album. Mortimer played a tune on his harmonica to impress Yvana. Months later, the party would discover that the chanteuse had ripped off Mortimer's melody on her newest single.

XP: 429 each for Traviata, Viktor, and Mortimer. 75 for Leonid.

Coin: 32 gp and 5 sp each from the coins and green mask, plus 250 gp each from Yvana for a job well done.

Magic Items: Pinkish-orange salt driftglobe (claimed by Mortimer), potion of healing (claimed by Viktor).

The Incursion at the Heigelman Clinic

Campaign: Scarabae Open-Table (5e D&D)

Characters: Traviata Manu, human alchemist artificer; Tobias Rune, human chain pact warlock; Mortimer Queensberry, human open hand monk; Erron, half-elf bard.

Objective: To deliver medicine to Alphonse Damajin, a patient at the Heigelman Clinic.

Events: The party was hired by Koska, a local quest giver in Redgutter, to enter the Heigelman Clinic and deliver necessary medication for Alphonse Damajin, a patient at the clinic. Adventurers were being hired for the task because the Heigelman Clinic was currently surrounded by fifty white-shrouded figures bearing axes and knives who were not letting anyone into or out of the clinic. Previous attempts to enter the clinic had been met with violence from the robed and mysterious figures.


The Heigelman Clinic was nestled between two multi-story towers with bridges and catwalks connecting them high above. The clinic itself was a two-story building consisting of a rounded tower on the left attached to a square central building with a rectangular wing attached to the right. The facade was comprised of sheets of scrap metal interrupted by the occasional oddly placed window. The shrouded figures surrounding the clinic were absolutely still and uncannily silent. There were patches of blood on the cobblestones from previous attempts to breach their perimeter.

Instead of approaching the clinic directly, the party decided to enter one of the towers next to it and descend by rope from one of the catwalks above it. Traviata went down first, Mission Impossible-style, ascertaining that the clinic's skylight could be melted open with her corrosive acid. Dropping down into the second floor of the clinic, the party found two hallways--one running above the building's central structure, the other running above the extension wing--and a door to the building's tower. Both hallways featured a number of open doors, but both had a single door that was currently closed. There was also a staircase and mechanical elevator leading down to the first floor.

The tower was attempted first. An extra-wide bed took up much of the circular room. The room was decorated with a family crest depicting a scalpel being forged on an anvil and a portrait of a dwarf family in oil paints--all are wearing lab coats and holding scalpels like they’re swords--in a gilded Art Deco frame. The bookcases held a mix of medical treatises, histories of medicine, and also occult books written in Deep Speech. The side table was looted, the coin and pocket watch within taken into protective custody by the adventurers. The wardrobe contained dwarf-sized garb, mostly basic clothing, white lab coats, leather aprons and gloves worn during surgeries. There was also a spiral staircase in the chamber leading down to the first floor.

The party used Tobias's imp, Malphas, to scout the open doors in both hallways. The rooms were nearly identical and clearly intended for convalescing patients; each room had a iron-frame bed with heavily starched white sheets, a metal rack with hangers for the patient’s clothes, and a single worn chair for visitors. The first of the closed doors they opened exposed them to a horrific sight: a halfling patient lay on the bed, his head burst open with a corona of blood splattered on the wall behind him. A creature sat on his chest, pecking at the body. The monster was apparently comprised of the halfling's own brain, which had grown tentacles and a beak before erupting from the poor man's skull.

Erron attempted to slam the door shut on this disturbing scene, but unfortunately wasn't quick enough and the thing leaped at the adventurers. In the ensuing battle, the creature attempted to pierce the flesh of its foes with barb-tipped tentacles while entrapping their limbs in its writhing appendages; both Traviata and Erron were left with scars from its attacks. Ultimately, Mortimer grappled the creature while Tobias blasted it into oblivion. After this vicious fight, the party took refuge in an unoccupied room to patch their wounds and catch their breath.

The other closed room also had a patient inside, but the tiefling man in this room was still alive--but clearly in pain. He proved to be Alphonse, the man that had been sent to deliver medicine to. They injected him with his medication, and he told them that he was being treated for a degenerative disease that rendered him unable to walk. He also revealed that he had been attacked by the brain-thing the party had killed, but it had wounded him; his wound was deep and still open. The party considered leaving the way they came in now that their job had been technically fulfilled, but Alphonse pleaded with them to find anyone else who was still alive in the clinic. He was especially interested in the welfare of Akiko Arthmore, one of Heigelman's apprentices who had been particularly kind to him.

The party went back to the tower chamber and sent Malphas down the stairs to discover what was in the room below. The first floor of the tower was the clinic's kitchen. A small, wooden table sat in the center of the room with four unmatched chairs surrounding it. There was a small black iron stove with a scuttle of coal beside it. On top of the stove was a large pot of oat porridge and two small pans in which surgical implements were being boiled--all cold now that the fire had died out. A rack near the stove held tin dinner trays and a can full of spoons, forks, and knives. The party went down the spiral stairs, crossed through this room and exited into the clinic's central building.

They crossed into the clinic's waiting room. It smelled of antiseptic cleaning products. Six rickety wooden chairs, a table piled with penny dreadfuls and old broadsheets, and a wooden counter serving as the reception desk made up the room's furnishings. The walls were decorated prints reminiscent of DaVinci’s Vetruvian Man, but they covered a range of physiognomies from human to orc, gnome, kenku, and lizardfolk. A door to the right led to the building’s extension wing, and there was an entrance to the staircase leading to the second floor.

The adventurers entered the extension wing and found themselves in the clinic's surgery. The walls were decorated with pages torn from anatomy text books--but again, non-human anatomy was heavily represented. The room also featured three rickety wooden chairs similar to the ones in the waiting room, a sink, cabinets containing medical supplies and drawers of medical implements, the door to a mechanical elevator, and a door with a glass pane set into it on the right.

The most noteworthy thing in the room was an old, iron-and-wood examination table upon which was the body of a trollkin male, his chested riddled with inch-diameter puncture wounds. The trollkin was clearly deceased; the party debated setting his corpse on fire just in case, but fear of causing a conflagration stopped them. There was also a wheelchair in the room, which the adventurers moved to the waiting room so they would have an easier time transporting Alphonse later. Peering through the glass pane set into the door revealed that there was a storage room beyond.

Deciding to leave the corpse on the operating table as they found it, the party explored the supply room. Racks and shelves cluttered the room. On them was a haphazard combination of glass vials, cardboard cases of syringes, surgical implements, and prosthetic limbs. A wooden door at the back of the room was open about two inches. Pushing the door open disclosed another storage room piled with debris such as waxen anatomical Venuses, stacks of old textbooks, and surgical reference charts. At the back of the room cowered a young water genasi woman wearing a white lab coat. She was shaking and clutched a scalpel in both hands. The party had found Akiko, apprentice to Dr. Heigelman, who kept insisting “We’re all gonna die in here!”

The party had no intention of dying in the clinic, of course. With Akiko in tow, they returned to the surgery, only to find that three large spider-like creatures with their eyes at the ends of articulated stalks had emerged from the trollkin's wounds. Erron's sleep spell took out one of the spiders immediately, but the other two proved to be difficult to handle; the spiders' poisonous bites were taking their toll on the party, but they pushed on in this desperate situation. The spiders disconcertingly cried out in the voices of children as the adventurers wounded them. This battle ended in much the same fashion as the previous one: Mortimer grappled a spider-thing while Tobias ended its wretched life with a bolt of magical force.

Having cleared the first floor, the part set foot in the basement of the clinic, where Akiko said that Dr. Heigelman had a private office. There was a large desk, carved with dwarven runes and kingly dwarven figures, down there. The dwarfs carved into the desk had been defaced with a sharp object. The paperwork from the desk's drawers had been reduced to ashes on the desk's surface. Worryingly, a trail of discarded clothes--pants, shirt, lab coat, shoes, cravat--lead to the back of the room, where a jagged hole rimmed in greenish, luminescent slime had been broken through the wall.

In their wounded and weary state after the melee with the spider-things, the party decided that whatever was beyond the wall was more than they wanted to deal with. They instead returned to Alphonse. Akiko pulled a wriggling green grub with a face full of tentacles from his wound; the grub was taken as evidence of what had befallen the clinic, along with the crushed body of a spider-thing and some tentacles from the brain-monster. The party, Akiko, and Alphonse ascended through the skylight and made their way back to the catwalk above the clinic. Glancing downward, they observed the white shrouded figures that had encircled the clinic now began to enter the clinic through the front door, single-file, until they had all disappeared inside.

Alphonse was handed over to Koska so that he might be returned to his family; clearly, he was going to need to seek treatment at a different institution. The monstrous remnants the party had collected were turned over to clerks from the Court of Wands, but given that all the Courts in Scarabae are burdened by bureaucracy and red tape the party got the sense that the Court of Wands was not particularly concerned about whatever had gone down inside the walls of the Heigelman Clinic.

XP: 387 each.

Coin: 148 gp each.

Items: Gold pocket watch with inset rubies (worth 40 gp).

Magic Items: 2 bottles of Dr. Mysterio's Invigorating Tonic (potions of greater healing); 1 jar (2 uses) of Keoghtom's ointment.

Lingering Injuries: Both Erron and Traviata have scars from the fight the brain-thing that will only disappear if they get healed by 6th level magic.

The Rise of the Forsaken Fangs

Campaign: The Forsaken Fangs (Scarabae, 5e D&D)

Characters:
- Kaldwyn Nessilnor, half-elf sorcerer
- "King" Rance, cactusoid fighter
- Nestor, shadar-kai wizard
- Bellwether Hooks, human rogue
- Ambrose Lynch, human ranger

Objective: Steal Bargle's stash of opium and cocaine from the Mentzer Distillery.

Events: There's a new gang in the Toiler's Ditch area of Scarabae: The Forsaken Fangs. The Fangs' leadership is comprised of Kaldwyn Nessilnor, the nominal brains of the operation--a disowned son of an elf shipping magnate; "King" Rance, the gang's muscle--he claims that in his home country he was king until he was ousted by a coup; Nestor, the group's schemer--he's an acolyte in a horrible Cthulhu-worshiping cult; Bellwether Hooks--she says she's a society lady, but her accent and skill with lock picks say otherwise; Ambrose Lynch--a traumatized former soldier. 

The Forgotten Fangs want to enter into the local drug trade in a big way, but that niche is already filled by dealers working for Bargle the Infamous, an intoxicant-peddling wizard who is the current drug tsar of the district. Rather than take on his dealers in the streets and fight for territory, the Fangs decide to move in on Bargle's supply. 

Greasing the right palms in Toiler's Ditch gives them a lead: Bargle is storing his wares in the old Mentzer Distillery, a disused booze-yard at the edge of the ward. The locals who aren't on Bargle's payroll and aren't addicts are only too eager to help; it turns out that Bargle was responsible for the murder of a much-loved local cleric who always gave alms to the poor. The upstanding citizens of Toiler's Ditch would love for the wizard to get some comeuppance for that.

The Forgotten Fangs make their move at night. The sentry at the distillery's back door, a bugbear thug with a pet wolf, is taken out quickly and quietly. Inside, things are quiet. Too quiet. Disturbingly quiet. Where are all of Bargle's henchmen? Who is guarding the stash?

Opposition first comes in the way of a group of skeletons that Bargle had animated to scare off any trespassers. The Fangs manage to bottleneck themselves in a narrow hallway; Bellwether furiously tries to pick a lock so the gang might make their stand under better circumstances while the group's scrappers hold off their undead assailants. They make a hash of it, honestly.

Things get even worse when the gang is ambushed by Bargle's trained darkmantles. The darkmantles cut the lights, then begin to pick off each member of the Forsaken Fangs one by one, knocking them unconscious. When the Fangs awaken, the snickering, goatee'd Bargle is standing over them. He has an offer they can't refuse.

Post Traumatic Adventure Syndrome

Campaign: Scarabae Open Table (5e D&D on Google Hangouts)

Characters:
- Leonid Vok, weretouched fighter
- Traviata Manu, human artificer
- Lavender Wildrose, human rogue
- Alesandro, half-elf rogue
- Jupiter Jones, (something short, I think?) mystic
- Khajj Khala, minotaur cleric

Objective: Restore a dead adventurer's apartment to normalcy.

Events: The party was assembled by Phineas Smiley, a representative of the Smiley Bank--a smarmy dwarven banking institution whose motto is "Give Us Your Money and You'll be Smilin'." Phineas explained that the bank had taken ownership of an apartment after the loanee, a former adventurer, had died with his loan left unpaid. The Smiley Bank wanted to employ a group of adventurers to venture inside to "fix" the second floor of the apartment; the second floor was experiencing some planar weirdness, and the bank needed that corrected so they could flip the property and sell it off.

Key in hand, the party traveled to the tower apartment complex. The tower's elevator was on the exterior of the building; it took the form of a mechanically-modified giant roach--the wings opened like doors and inside were buttons to press corresponding to the desired floor. The party opted to start at the first floor of the adventurer's two-floor apartment; the cockroach lurched and clambered up the building, depositing them on the twelfth floor.

The kitchen and living room area were arranged on a open plan, with a sliding glass door leading out to a balcony. In the living area the party discovered a mechanical device shaped like a cardinal; the cardinal's beak was open and the interior covered with a metal mesh. A wax cylinder was held in the cardinal's claws. As a former opera singer, Traviata knew how to operate the device; pressing one of its feathers set the cylinder spinning--the apartment was soon filled with the mournful sound of film noir-style jazz. Horrid saxophone solos and all that.

The desk in the corner of the living room had a large metal turtle on its scarred surface that turned out to be a typewriter. Someone had typed "Only blood can open the silver door of the mind" on the paper still stuck in the machine. Alesandro noticed that the balcony was covered with some sort of hive, but when a number of gigantic buzzing bees emerged he quickly shut the door and decided that they were better left undisturbed. A further strange message was found etched into the bottom of an enamel wash basin discovered in the laundry room: "GUILTGUILTGUILT NEVER CLEAN AGAIN CANNOT WASH MYSELF CLEAN I REMEMBER IT ALL." Further exploration located a walk-in closet. Inside was a single wardrobe that held a former adventurer's gear: a set of unmended and blood-stained leather armor, a bag containing thieves' tools and a number of coins, and a rusty shortsword. The adventurer's bedroom evidenced that his life had taken a turn; the sheets were soiled, the bed was unmade, and a pipe was found on the side table. 

Due to her training as an alchemist, Traviata identified the pipe as a "runeburner" and the translucent parchment as hallucinogenic runes. She understood that the runes on the translucent parchment were a type of drug taken by people looking for a way erase traumatic memories; however, she also knew that in some cases these drugs could actually make traumatic memories manifest as reality in the world. This information, combined with a psychic impression that Jupiter received, went a long way to explaining what had gone wrong in the apartment. Jupiter had a vision of someone in leather armor desperately picking a lock in a dungeon while their compatriots screamed for help behind them.

Ready to tackle the second floor, the party ascended up the apartment's spiral staircase. Whereas the first floor held evidence of residency by a disturbed person, the architecture of the second floor was itself disturbed and deranged. Instead of a series of rooms that matched those on the previous floor, the party exited the spiral stairs and found themselves on a short stone landing surrounded by rough brick walls that would be more at home in a dank dungeon than a rental property. The only feature before them was a heavy stone slab door with half a silver bowl embedded in it. Above the bowl was carved "FEED YOUR PAIN," and the bowl had the remains of dried blood within it. Leonid sought to cut his hand to drip a few drops of his blood inside, but he was gripped by a mania to cut deeper--his blood splattered within the bowl, and the door groaned open.

Beyond was a tunnel of rough stone bricks that opened into a small chamber and then turned right. The party followed the right turn and found themselves in a circular chamber. A pile of small rectangular stones sat the the middle of the chamber; a hole of utter blackness floated at the top of the domed ceiling directly above the pile--every so often another rectangular stone block would drop from the hole and tumble down to the pile. Another stone slab door--this one with a small hole in its center--made up a portion of the circular wall. Examining the stones revealed that each was inscribed with the word "BURDEN"; an inscription above the door read "YOUR SHAME GIVES YOU SUBSTANCE." 

While investigating the room, the adventurers were subjected to a sudden flash of light. When the light receded the party was confronted by three menacing shadows that attacked them. The battle was dangerous; Khajj and Traviata used their healing magic to keep their compatriots from death. The party was triumphant; the shadows were dispatched--they faded away, leaving behind three moss agates and three black feathers. The party then decided to experiment with reenacting the vision that Jupiter experienced earlier; they brought the apartment's former occupant's adventuring gear up from the first floor--and the trip to fetch the gear revealed that a previously-missed door had opened in the first tunnel they had ventured down.

This door was connected to another winding tunnel that terminated in a chamber whose only feature was a massive stone altar crowned by an amalgam of "sacred" statues. As a priest, Khajj had the insight that the statues were a confused admixture of extant deities; it was as if they were the imagined fancy of someone with only a vague understanding of the religious practices that comprised the statuary. Six figures, each garbed as a member of an adventuring party, knelt before the altar, their heads bowed in prayer. Attempts to get their attention discovered that each of the six was an ambulatory corpse--once disturbed they closed on the party to engage in melee. Lavender was particularly excited to throw a dagger into the undead bard. The monsters were resilient but slow; when the dust cleared, the bodies of the undead adventurers quickly rotted away--each leaving behind a gemstone and a withered, blackened heart.

The party tried out a few theories by placing various items upon the altar; the religious statues animated and reacted in a myriad of ways to these "offerings." Next, the party experimented with placing a BURDEN stone in the hole below the legend that read YOUR SHAME GIVES YOU SUBSTANCE in the circular chamber. The door opened, revealing another curving tunnel that ended in a briny-smelling room whose only feature was a wooden chest. Inside the chest, laying on a bed of gold coins, was an ornate set of scales. Inscribed on the scales was this message: "Here be the truth, all things are not balanced, and neither guilt nor forgiveness can be weighed against the other." The feathers collected from the shadows were placed in one of the scale's pans, and the hearts harvested from the dead adventurers were placed in the other. 

The scale did not sit in equilibrium, but even attempting such caused something miraculous to happen: the "dungeon" of the second floor of the apartment began to crumble away into dust. The party decided to run back to the stairs; a stolen glance over the shoulder showed that even though the environment around them was flaking away like ash, it was revealing a normal, empty second floor of the apartment that was living underneath. They had successfully intervened against the traumatic memories of the dead adventurer made manifest in the world.

Loot:
XP - 152
Coin - 163 gp, plus 75 gp each from Phineas Smiley.

Gems - (each worth 10 gp each) - turquoise (opaque green-blue), two tiger eyes (translucent brown with golden center), three moss agates (translucent pink with green swirls), lapis lazuli (opaque dark blue yellow flecks), hematite (opaque grey-black), blue quartz (translucent pale blue). (All claimed by Lavender.)

Items -Weird scales (75 gp), turtle-shaped typewriter (50 gp, claimed by Khajj), cardinal-shaped phonograph (75 gp, claimed by Traviata),

Magic Items - Two hallucinogenic runes.

That Spelljammer Belongs in a Museum!

Campaign: Scarabae Google Hangouts Open Table (5e D&D)

Characters: 
- Boddynock, gnome bard
- Belaros, goliath paladin
- Trom, dinosaurian fighter
- Viktor, dragonborn sorcerer
- Dr. Aleister Wiffle, human fighter

Objective: Loot a crashed spelljammer for alien artifacts.

Events:
A strange thing was seen in the sky on a Saturday night in Scarabae: a large dark sphere, festooned with prickly spikes, was being pulled from the firmament toward the city itself by a pair of massive, green spectral hands. From separate locations (including a literary cafe, two taverns, and a laboratory) the party observed the approach of this unusual object--save for Viktor, who instead felt a powerful magic drawing nearer. Come Sunday morning, the adventurers' slumbers were interrupted by messengers sent by Koska. Koska presented a job opportunity: the observed object was an alien craft that had crash-landed in Scarabae; the Magpie Museum was looking for a crew of ne'er-do-wells to venture inside and make off with any extraterrestrial artifacts they could add to their collection.

Koska provided the crew with healing potions, an advance on their pay, and tickets to ride a Kyuss Industries worm train to the crash site. The craft was approximately seventy-five feet long from its spherical main body to its rear tail, it appeared to be made of a wood-like substance, it was covered in spikes and also slits and small apertures, and at the tail was a metal-reinforced hatch next to a flagpole--a flag depicting a cracked moon fluttered in the breeze. The crash-landing had flatted a number of buildings underneath the ship and around where it had embedded itself in the city. Guards had been posted around the perimeter; according to one of the guards, residents of the neighborhood had approached the craft only to be repelled by gunfire coming from the apertures. Small bipeds with big round heads had been spotted emerging from the hatch to inspect the outside of their craft.

Duly warned, Trom, Belaros, and Dr. Wiffle used a piece of roofing from the surrounding debris as a makeshift shield to give the group cover as they approached the craft. Gunshots rang out as they approached, but their portable cover protected them until they reached the ship and began to clamber up to the hatch at the tail. The hatch proved to be locked from the inside; no one was able to wrench it off, so they began to hack at the wood surrounding the hatch so they might more easily pull it free. While working away at the hatch, Trom was stabbed by a spear that shot out from an aperture in the sphere's hull, but finally the hatch was pulled free, revealing a ladder descending into a corridor within the craft. The wooden interior walls were pulsating with red light.

The end of the corridor seemed to make a u-turn at its extremity. Belaros and Trom pursued them, and both were peppered by darts from a trap in the wall. Once around the bend, the party found themselves in a chamber. Against the far wall was a small wooden chair or throne that seemed to grow out of the craft's wooden floor; the throne was decorated with metal banding inscribed with glowing, electric blue runes. There were also a number of bedrolls against the walls of the chamber and another metal hatch in the floor. Surrounding the throne were a group of goblins, carrying pistols and crystalline spears, and wearing rubbery suits and fishbowl-shaped glass helmets. 

Attempts to parlay with the goblins went well at first; the party learned that the goblins were on a space-faring pilgrimage to the Mind of Tiamat when some magical force in Scarabae pulled them off course and caused them to crash land in the city. The goblins repeatedly told the adventurers to leave their ship so they could finish repairs and return to their pilgrimage. Inevitably, communications broke down and the party found themselves in melee with space goblins. The goblins put up a good fight; their leader had a personal forcefield that made him difficult to wound, but Boddynock kept his side alive while Dr. Wiffle, Trom, Belaros, and Viktor hacked away with spear, sword, and spell. Once dispatched, the goblins and their bedrolls were searched; the party found a number of copper, silver, and gold coins that bore alien markings, and Viktor took the captain's forcefield belt.

Like this but with a goblin in a retro space
helmet instead of a person 

Being approximately goblin-sized meant that Boddynock was volunteered to sit on the throne. He found that the armrests had several divots that he could fit his fingers into. He also discovered that when he said directions, the ship would attempt to move in that direction, even though it was still held fast by its impact into the city. After monkeying with the throne, the party proceeded down the hatch into the belly of the craft. Things they found:

- An image of a goblin sitting in an ornate throne-chair operating arcane controls. The image was clearly aspirational, as the depicted throne was far more ornate and fancy than the one discovered previously.

- A series of interconnecting corridors, some normal-sized, others so narrow they would have to be crawled down on all fours. Viktor cast a light spell on a bag of shot and rolled it down one of the narrow corridors; about halfway down, the rolling shot triggered a pit trap to open.

- A table laden with bread and cheese on crystal plates; the food had obviously been left when the alert when up that there were intruders on board.

- A curving corridor that ended in a chamber holding a large crystalline tank of yellowish liquid. Floating within the liquid was a large insectoid creature. When Belaros put his hand to the glass, the creature pressed its clawed hand in the same spot. Belaros wanted to set the creature free, but the others were nervous about that course of action.

- Another curved corridor ended in a similar tank, but this one held a number of floating black globules...somewhat like the boba in bubble tea. Viktor conjured a mage hand inside the tank to nudge the globules, causing them to unfurl bat-like wings and try to engulf the magical appendage.

- A crashing sound was heard down another corridor. When the party went to explore the source of the commotion they found the broken remains of a crystalline canister. The yellow fluid was puddled on the floor among the crystal shards, but whatever creature or creatures were inside were missing. Dr. Wiffle and Viktor recognized the runes and sigils upon the floor and walls in this chamber--it looked as though the Children of Fimbul had entered the ship magically and made off with whatever was held in that tank.

The party also perceived the sound of murmured conversation. Crawling down a narrow tunnel toward the sound brought them to a chamber used for worship. There were prayer rugs and more bedrolls strewn about, and there was a crystal statue of Tiamat--with each of her heads crafted from a different chromatic color of crystal--at the center of the room. Along the walls were shelves containing crystalline jars filled with red jelly. Whoever had been in this chamber had obviously fled at the party's noisy approach. 

Trom tracked down the rest of the goblins by thundering down a corridor and greeting them with a sonic blast. These goblins were not dressed in the same style as those who had been previously encountered; these goblins wore sand-colored robes and their eyes were glowing with blue light. One of their number appeared to be the spiritual leader of the group; she wore a number of charms and brandished a crystal rod. Another bore a spear and shield, while the remaining two were simply fanatics armed with crystal daggers.

The leader of this group of goblins nearly did Dr. Wiffle a mischief with a chromatic orb spell, but luckily he was able to use his own magic to shield himself from the crackling orb of lightning. Viktor fired back a fiery orb of his own, which immolated the devotee of Tiamat. Boddyock was terrified by a mystical vision of a draconic behemoth slowly beating its wings through the void of the astral sea. The goblin with the spear proved to be a tough customer, but he too eventually fell beneath the party's onslaught. One of the fanatics was easily dispatched, the other was wounded, fell prostrate and hoped for mercy.

The remaining fanatic, Reznik the Believer, explained that his group thought that the party had broken open the crystal canister and released the "monster" therein. When asked if there were any other goblins on board, Reznik guided the crew to a chamber where the goblins kept the "abominations" chained to the walls--these were goblins who had become horribly mutated and driven insane by consuming too much of the red jelly. Belaros put the abominations to the sword--which caused Reznik to go a little bit sheepish as he expected that he may be next on the chopping block. To make himself helpful, he found some tools for Dr. Wiffle so the doctor could remove the throne and sell it to the Magpie Museum, and in the process also showed the party where to find a pair of odd crystal swords that were formed in the shape of bladed feathers. 

Having cleared the spelljammer craft of hostile, Tiamat-worshiping, drug-addicted space goblins, the party decided which items they would keep for themselves and which they would turn over to the Magpie Museum for a profit. They did not kill Reznik; rather, he was turned over to the museum as well so that he might help curate an exhibit of his people's items and their culture. 

As the last of the recovered artifacts were loaded onto the museum's wagons, the party spotted the approach of a number of carriages--all black, all bearing black flags emblazoned with white scarabs, the flag of Scarabae's government! Not wishing to have a conversation with government agents about helping the museum make away with items from a crashed spelljammer on Scarabaen soil, the party soon dispersed into the alleys, shadows, and side streets. One last glance back gave them a glimpse of an imperious, black-haired woman in a green gown step from a carriage to survey the now-looted spelljammer; Mayor Vor was not going to be pleased to discover that the prize had already been rifled!

Loot:
XP - 246 each.

Coin - 523 each from the assorted goods turned over to the museum's agents, including eight jars of red jelly, a crystal statue of Tiamat, twelves crystal plates, a crystal rod, four pistols of alien manufacture, the helm from a goblin Porcupine spelljammer, a crystal dagger, a number of alien coinage, a cloth star map, six crystal spears, three glass goblin helmets.

Other - A couple of the party took pistols, Viktor took a crystal dagger.

Magic Items - Viktor took slippers of spider climbing from the priestess of Tiamat, and a personal Force Field (it has two charges left, each charge lasts 1 minute and grants a 17 AC for the duration) from the ship's captain; Belaros and Trom both took a feathersword, which is functionally a longsword +1. 

Dragonslaying in Swampy Majere

Campaign: The Situational Heroes (Scarabae 5e D&D)

Characters:

Edmund Folderol, wood elf hunter ranger (background: outlander). Edmund Folderol says nothing about his past because he is super paranoid for reasons we don't yet understand.

Jester, hill dwarf thief rogue (background: entertainer). Jester is a renowned juggler who can't help but steal things. Bit of a klepto, really.

Grayson, dragonborn battle master fighter (background: mercenary). Grayson is the disgraced son of a famous family of dragonborn mercenary captains; daddy issues.

Miranda Lowe, air genasi storm sorcerer (background: noble). Miranda is a noblewoman from a far-off country. She's on the run from something, but she doesn't want to talk about it.

Mulga, half-orc valor bard (background: acolyte). Mulga believes that the world would be better if we all joined in a drum circle and really felt the cosmic connection, maaaaaan.

Pharasmos the Abjurer, human abjurer wizard (background: criminal). Pharasmos insists that he is not an arsonist; rather, his experiments just get "out of hand," sometimes.

Events:

Now that the party had acquired half a map from a murder brothel and half a map from an evil fey sorceress, they used the ship they stole from a pirate to sail upriver to Swampy Majere, a basin of hellish bog at the center of Lapin Island.

The journey to the treasure was punctuated by hit-and-run guerrilla warfare on the part of a tribe of crocodilefolk in league with the treasure's owner. One ambush in particular was so fierce that the crew had to veer off-route and take refuge in a cave to heal-up and recover. "Crocs are no joke," says Jester Jones.

The crew discovers why Edmund Folderol is paranoid, jumps at every sound, and is constantly on the look out for inevitable betrayal: he owes a great deal of money to the crocodilefolk clans on the island and they've put a hit out on him. This is the explanation for why he joined this adventuring party of crypt-kickers on Lapin Island: he had hopes that he would be either able to make enough money to pay his debts or maybe just end up in a position to help slaughter off the people he owes money to. 

The party also learns that Miranda had been holding back some information about the treasure they're seeking in Swampy Majere: it's already the property of a dragon. Would have been nice to know that ahead of time, Miranda. "I play by my own rules," states Miranda as she shrugs. When pressed on this, she reveals that the reason why she is pursuing this adventure is in hope of getting enough of the dragon's hoard to replenish her noble family's squandered treasury.

Health restored and morale lacking, the crew presses on through the boggy terrain. More crocodilemen are fought, but luck is on the crew's side throughout the day. Eventually they arrive at a sinkhole marked with an X on their map. Rappelling down into the sink, everything is far too quiet. Bound by chains within the dragon's lair is a halfling man named Otto Bellringer. Jester recognizes Otto, as the halfling is his great rival in the local juggling circuit. Before releasing him, Jester makes Otto admit that he stole crucial parts of his act and will admit so in public. Sweet comeuppance is short-lived as...

The dragon, all black-scaled and hideous, emerges from the murk and has a mind to parlay. He tries to convince Grayson, a dragonborn, that it is totally racist for him to side with elves, dwarves, genasi, men, half-orcs against a dragon--where's the solidarity with this people? Grayson is unmoved by this patter and reveals part of his own backstory: he is an adventurer because he disgraced himself in front of his warrior father by fleeing in terror from a dragon he faced as part of his dad's mercenary company. Now it's time to conquer that fear and swallow that shame.

The party spreads out to minimize damage from the dragon's acidic breath. Jester, Grayson, and Mulga take the dragon on directly, while Edmund, Miranda, and Pharasmos pepper his hide with arrows and blasts of magic. Mulga sings a crazed song about dragonslaying; her song reveal that her deepest-seated desire is for her friends to convert to her religion of cosmic oneness. She is bitten in twain by the dragon before any of her friends can consider their place in the cosmic unity. Thus always to hippies. 

Jester delivers the killing blow. Who knew a dwarf could look so graceful sailing through the air like that?

The dragon's hoard is duly looted and loaded upon the ship. Pharasmos tells his compatriots that he has been eager to get his gambling enterprise underway because he burned down his friend's gambling hall and this is to be a present to repair their soured friendship. The party, now wealthy enough to retire if they so choose, sails away from Lapin Island. Roll credits!

Wreath of Barbs

Campaign: Scarabae Open table (5e D&D Google Hangouts)

Characters:

• Bellicose, gothy human wizard
• Mortimer, street fightin' human monk
• Doctor Wiffle, dubiously doctorin' human fighter
• Viktor, former hermit dragonborn sorcerer

Objective: Put an end to the machinations of the Children of Fimbul in the Redgutter Ward.

Events:
The black vines that have been infesting Redgutter Ward had become even more pernicious, spawning vicious bipedal horrors made of black kudzu that were attacking the residents of the borough with alarming frequency. Mortimer and Dr. Wiffle knew that the Children of Fimbul, the apocalyptic cult responsible for the infestation, made their lair in a cavernous underworld beneath the Helveta tavern, so they assembled a crew of crypt-kickers to put an end to the evil druids' plans.

Since their last expedition beneath Helveta, the tavern had closed without warning, its windows boarded up and its doors locked. Under the cover of a distraction provided by Bellicose and company, Dr. Wiffle picked the lock and gained entry. Nothing appeared out of place inside. Using the bucket-like conveyance they had found on the prior expedition the crew descended down the long shaft into the caverns beneath the tavern. The ancient fortress within the cavern appeared to have been pulled out of the earth, revealing a sublevel that the adventurers had not explored last time.

A fissure in the fortress's petrified wood walls was the only visible entrance. Using his familiar to investigate beyond the fissure, Bellicose discovered that the chamber was currently occupied by two animate skeletons busily turning the soil, weeding, and spreading compost. There were also doors at the opposite side of the chamber and on the right-hand wall, and a fissure interrupted the left-hand wall.

The skeletons paid no attention to the adventurers as they entered the chamber. Investigation of the door on the opposite side of the chamber revealed that it opened up into a hallway containing carved pillars and tables strewn with herbs, botanical specimens, and mortars and pestles. However, while exploring the room, two vine-men were spotted emerging from the ground and approaching the hallway.

The party engaged the two vine-men, who were joined in the fray by the two shovel-wielding skeletons. The vine-men were decimated by Dr. Wiffle's swordplay and Viktor's necromantic magic, and the skeletons fell apart under the combined assault of martial arts, magic, and sheer brutality. But before the battle was over, a dark-skinned man with dreadlocks, wearing a patchwork robe of furs, skins, and leather, emerged from the unexplored fissure. He let lose two giant rats from their chain leashes, and they promptly charged the party. The rats were dealt with speedily, and the man was pummeled and then lulled into sleep by a timely spell from Bellicose before he got a chance to strike back with the crowbar he was carrying. The fungus and stunted, pale saplings the skeletons were tending were trashed for good measure.

The dreadlocked man was tied up, questioned, and then gagged when he proved unhelpful. The party went back to exploring the hallway. Snoring could be heard behind one of doors to an adjoining room. Opening the door quietly revealed three figures--a male dwarf, a human man, and a halfling woman--all asleep atop a pile of furs in the center of the room. All three figures wore the robes of Children of Fimbul cultists.

Sensing an opportunity to get information from the sleeping cultists, Bellicose cast an illusion of a cage with inward-pointing spikes around them; the cultists were then prodded awake and made to believe that the party had trapped them with powerful magic while they slept. The dwarf proved especially open to negotiating for his life; he explained that he was the second son of a wealthy guild leader so his aimless life had led him to joining the cult--but he had been having severe doubts about their mission. 

The dwarf told the crew that there were about thirty cultists scattered throughout the lair, that the leaders of this cell of the cult slept apart from the others in a large cavern that was off-limits to everybody else, that whatever was creating the vines in Redgutter was surely within that cavern, and that the most fearful things in the lair was Brunhilde (the cult's spear-wielding champion), Freya (a powerful spellcaster), and Bella (the cell's leader). 

The dwarf also drew the party a map that would lead them to the cavern in question, allowing them to bypass exploring much of the fortress. He and his human compatriot gladly signed contracts drawn up by the crew, swearing that they forsook membership in the Children of Fimbul. The young halfling woman had her hand forced (literally) by the dwarf, who dragged her off in the end, stating that she was too young and dumb to know what was good for her.

Pressing on, the crew passed through a small room where the cult stored scimitars and short bows--the strings of the short bows were cut for good measure, just in case. Following the map further brought the party to a series of garden galleries in which the walls had been shaped into pictorial narratives; the soil of the floor was sprouting a variety of pale plant life. The second gallery was patrolled by a cult member brandishing a glaive; the party managed to take her down, but not before receiving enough injuries in the fray to give them pause. Their foe had a vial of pale green, mouthwash-colored liquid on her person. The crew holed themselves up in an empty room to catch their breath and tend their wounds before carrying on.

Their rest was uninterrupted, and the party continued following their map to the cavern. They passed an arboretum of toadstools and lichens, and listened at the next door; beyond it they heard the voices of four people arguing about where to put various items. Opening the door slightly and using Bellicose's familiar to scout gave them a view of four cultists standing at a table sorting herbs and cuttings into various piles. 

Dr. Wiffle threw open the door and tossed a bead of force inside. One of the cultists got caught in the blast and had her neck broken as she was slammed against the wall; the other three managed to scramble underneath the table for cover as they drew their scimitars. Their defense was short lived; Mortimer's martial arts and the combined efforts of his fellows polished them off quickly.

Instead of a being fully enclosed, the chamber's right side opened up into a massive dark cavern--far bigger than should have been possible within the fortress's confines. Viktor cast a light spell on the severed head of one of the cultists, and Dr. Wiffle threw it into the cavern to test how far it went--but it stretched well beyond his throw. However, the illuminated head did reveal that the cavern was dotted with nodules of the black vines that had been spreading throughout Scarabae.

Mortimer decided to scout the cavern, but his stealthy approach was betrayed somewhat by the fact that he was carrying a lantern while doing so. Suddenly, a spear sailed out of the darkness--but as a dexterous monk, Mortimer was able to snatch the spear from the air before it could harm him. Clearly, Brunhilde was present. The rest of the party rushed in to aid their friend.

A giant, thorn-encrusted frog emerged from the darkness of the cavern and attacked Mortimer, biting him and holding him in its barbed mouth. Mortimer attempted to kill the thing with a bead of force, but it managed to dodge out of the way, taking him with it. Chanting was heard from the shadows, but the woman (Bella) invoking who-knows-what-horrors remained unseen.

A gaunt woman with bedraggled hair (Freya) also emerged from the shadows, casting a spell that sent three thorns shooting from her outstretched palm and into Mortimer's flesh. Dr. Wiffle moved to engage Brunhilde behind the remains of a ruined wall. The statuesque spear maiden drew her enchanted weapon and the sound of operatic singing filled the echoing space of the cavern. Brunhilde inflicted devastating wounds, but ultimately Dr. Wiffle's rapier was able to piece Brunhilde's armor and sink down to her heart.

Viktor tried to keep at range, blasting his foes with necromantic magic, but a blast of wintry fury from Freya caught him and sent him to the ground. Mortimer finally managed to rabidly punch the giant frog that was holding him until it, err, croaked. Viktor came very close to death's door, but the timely intervention of Mortimer and Dr. Wiffle got him back on his feet in the nick of time. (Somebody killed Freya at this point, but honestly I don't remember who got the deathblow.)

Bella, the leader of this cell of the Children of Fimbul, emerged from the shadows where she had been chanting a profane liturgy to the destruction of the world. She was a blonde woman of middle years, a mad gleam in her eye. She cast a spell upon Mortimer, but the effects were not immediately obvious. 

Low on resources and stamina, the crew decided that taking on the cult's most powerful member was not likely to proceed in their favor. Wisely, perhaps, they ran, and attempted to regroup. They considered making another run at Bella but realized that after checking to make sure Freya and Brunhilde were beyond saving, the druidess had summoned seven of the vine-men to her side. Since the odds were not in their favor, they ran back to the bucket mechanism and began to ascend to the surface.

Spoils:

XP: 313 XP for Bellicose, 396 XP each for Mortimer, Dr. Wiffle, and Viktor.

Magic Items: The "pale green mouthwash" colored liquid is a potion of healing.

Brunhilde's spear functions as a spear +1, and once per day the person attuned to it can use their reaction to impose disadvantage against a melee attack against themselves or another creature within 5 feet. However, when wielded in melee the spear fills the air with the sound of operatic singing. It's really, really loud.