THE AFTER-PARTY

We had a gap in the gaming schedule, so I ran a PLANET MOTHERFUCKER game that was supposed to be a one-shot but might turn into something more. 

Related, good news for folks who wanted a cheap option to buy PLANET MOTHERFUCKER in print: a sweet MONDO MONOCHROME edition is coming soon! Watch this space and shit.

Characters

Judge Def, Wastelander

The Crusher, Face-Breaking Goon

Luna von Wolfenberg, Werewolf Heartthrob 

Warhawk Tuah, Vermin Lord

Sabrina the Teenage Bitch, Satanic Witch

Events

As they rolled through the post-apocalyptic landscape, the motherfuckers were overjoyed to spot an all-day music festival in the distance. They pulled in and discovered that the headliner was the none other than the band that was currently dominating the radio airwaves: they had the opportunity to see Connie Lingus and the Clit Ticklers! While the show went on, each motherfucker was approached by a stone-cold honeypot hottie (of various genders) who gave them an invitation to THE AFTER-PARTY.

Once the last encores were over, the motherfuckers milled around in the parking lot trying to figure out where THE AFTER-PARTY would be--and then it rolled up. THE AFTER-PARTY was a mobile building that crested the hill on enormous tank treads. The massive hot pink lips on the back of the ambulatory party palace opened, a ramp dropped out, and they were hit with the concussive blast of pounding techno and flashing rave lights. A robotic voice called out "WELCOME TO THE AFTER-PARTY."

The motherfuckers lined up to enter, but were dismayed that the bouncers were disarming everyone who entered. Luna tried to hide her switchblade down the crack of her ass, but a bouncer fished it out and gave it a long, loud sniff before tossing it in the contraband bucket.

Inside, some of the motherfuckers hit the dance floor and the others lined up at the bar to score some free drinks. Each had the opportunity to mingle with another party attendee. Sabrina offended a samurai with an afro and Warhawk scared off a swamp ape trying to bust a move on her. The Judge had a good convo about motorcycles with a six-foot tall dayglo rat-man, the Crusher got down with a slutty cowgirl, and Luna got an earful about Naruto from a schoolgirl ninja. 

The music suddenly stopped and a man of indeterminate age took the stage with a headset microphone, Ted Talk style. He was flanked by two other men who looked like slightly younger versions of himself; the two younger versions were connected to the man by tubes stemming from devices that seemed to be feeding him their blood. The man introduced himself as Jason Youngblood, proprietor of THE AFTER-PARTY. He started droning on about healthy living and how blood is the secret to rejuvenating the body and halting the aging process. At the close of his long-winded, perplexing speech, he thanked the attendees for their contributions to his longevity treatments.

And then guards armed with tranquilizer rifles poured out onto the dance floor, firing into the crowd! Holy fuck!

The Judge, the Crusher, Sabrina, and Ozwald the ratman took shelter behind the bar and found a ladder behind a secret panel that led up to the next level of THE AFTER-PARTY. (The Crusher threw the slutty cowgirl at the guards before making his getaway.) Warhawk fled to the ladies bathroom and climbed up into the ventilation shaft; she was followed by Naruto Girl. Luna played dead until she had the opportunity to follow up the ladder.

Things got weirder on the second floor of THE AFTER-PARTY. They located the guards' barracks, which someone had graffiti'd to read BARRACKS OBAMA. Inside, they caught a guard with his pants down (literally), strokin' hog to a magazine called Third Leg Show. Crusher engaged him in a stalemate staring contest, which Sabrina ended when she knocked him out with a thrown bottle of Jim Beam. 

The group also found the armory; the Crusher kicked the door in, flattening the guard standing sentry inside. They re-armed themselves with all the gear taken off them at door. Additionally, Sabrina got a robot up and running; she programmed it to read Donna Haraway to Jason Youngblood before killing him, but it turned out that the robot was too big to go up the stairs to the third level.

Well, at least that let them know how to get up to the third level, eh?

On the third floor, they surprised a bunch of guards who were busy draining abducted party goers of their blood. A fierce battle ensued, with Sabrina animating some skeletal servants by causing the bones of a few strapped-down victims to tear out of their bodies. The others dealt justice to their would-be captors with sword, guns, red tooth & claw, and an unsightly brick. Since some of the motherfuckers were wounded in the brawl, they decided to pump some of the stolen blood into their bodies in hopes that it would heal them. 

It didn't. In fact, those who partook were left feeling woozy because the collected blood was still laced with tranquilizers.

The group survived entering a room called the Fuck Palace, which had mirrored walls and a mirrored ceiling, with a revolving floor and rotating beds shaped like lips, buttocks, and titties. They collected a ball gag and a traffic cone-sized butt plug that they hoped to use on Jason Youngblood when they finally caught up with him.

But here's the thing: they never caught up with him lol. In another room they found a mirror-like device covered in flashing lights and circuitry along the rim. Sabrina touched the device's surface, then got sucked into it. The rest of the group (including Naruto Girl, but not including Ozwald who said, "Fuck that.") followed Sabrina into the mirror. When we pick this up again, we'll find out what happens THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS.

Powers by Tier in Savage Worlds

One thing that Savage Worlds doesn't have is a handy chart of which of its Powers is available at which tier, so I made one myself. I even included the powers from the various genre Companion books. On the off chance that you run or play Savage Worlds, this may be of use to you.

A Feast of Snakes

Bad Books for Bad People, Episode 92: A Feast of Snakes

Harry Crews’ Feast of Snakes (1976) is a rough and raunchy southern gothic that opens with opens with a lurid bang and never lets up. Jack and Kate are confronted with the seamy underbelly of Americana, from football bullies to dog fights to so, so, so very many snakes (reptilian and human).

Why are debate club members the worst ever? Is the ultimate power move maintaining eye contact during scatalogical self-abuse? Can you guess which sex act indicates “true love?” All these questions and more will be explored in this episode of Bad Books for Bad People.

So You Liked The Bride!

The Bride! huh? Divisive film. But if you liked it, here are a few more movies you should check out:

If you want a Frankenstein-style story that explores women's self-determination with some truly breath-taking performances and cinematography, look no further than Yorgos Lanthimos's Poor Things.

If you want something more comedic, give Lisa Frankenstein a try. This one didn't see much action on release, but it's definitely deserving of a re-evaluation. It's genuinely funny, and sicker than you think.

Want a similar story, but with more of a robotic angle instead of a reanimated one? Companion should be your first stop. This one also has some truly laugh-out-loud moments, but it's also got something interesting to say as a film, so win/win.

Crave more of the musical aspect, but don't mind a different kind of monster at the forefront? The Lure gives a fresh spin on The Little Mermaid and pushes the well-known story into both camp and horror territory.

Have a craving to go low-brow and Gothic? Lady Frankenstein has got you covered with Euro-horror sleaze!

The Verdant Lodge, Vorika, Zhylasha

In this post I'm detailing the last three otherworldly entities that will be included in the revised Krevborna book as possible patrons for cults and player characters.

The Verdant Lodge, The Eternal Home

The Verdant Lodge is both an entity and a place beyond the Mortal World; it is the wellspring of the fey, and all four fey Courts pay it homage—they regard it as their honored parent and homeland.

    • Like its fey children, the Verdant Lodge’s whims are mercurial; its motivations are frequently beyond human comprehension. 

    • Creatures such as treefolk, dryads, unicorns, and bog shamblers are loyal to the Verdant Lodge, but the Verdant Lodge’s greatest champion is Bercilan, the Green Knight of the Spring Court; Bercilan leads fey war hosts—known as the Savage Hunt—against the Lodge’s enemies. 

    • Cults devoted to the Verdant Lodge either take on the duty of protecting the “thin” places where the realm of the fey touches the Mortal World or terrorize mankind with the aim of driving them from the land.

    • In particular, the members of the Ulverkrieg beseech the Verdant Lodge for aid in their war against humanity.

Vorika, The Rotmaiden

Of the major known eldritch entities from the Outer Dark, Vorika is among the most alien and enigmatic. 

    • Vorika’s avatar manifests as a tall woman encrusted with luminescent fungal growths.

    • She is a force of entropy and decay and is particularly associated with the dissolution of mortals’ senses of self and individuality.

    • Vorika's cultists tend to be recruited from among the ranks of the oppressed and downtrodden; to revere the Vorika is an act of ideological suicide that appeals only to the desperate and wounded.

    • Cults devoted to the Rotmaiden choose to meet in places rich in structural decay, such as collapsing cave systems, abandoned and dilapidated houses, and untended cemeteries.

    • Vorika rewards her most faithful by granting them strange fungal growths that mirror her own; these growths grant uncanny powers.

Zhylasha, The Lady of the Drowned

Zhylasha is a monstrous abomination from the Outer Dark who now thrives within the depths of the Khorva Sea. 

    • Zhylasha’s physical form is that of a comely woman whose lower body is comprised of a mass of tentacles; her mouth is lined with shark-like teeth.

    • Zhylasha’s cultists are mostly drawn from the ranks of sea-faring folk who regard Zhylasha as a goddess of the waves; they pray to her because they believe she alone has the power to grant mercy to those at sea.

    • In truth, Zhylasha is nourished by her worshipers’ fear of shipwreck, drowning, sea monsters, tempests and squalls, and other nautical catastrophes.

    • Cultists who worship Zhylasha often undergo ritual drowning and resuscitation to prove their faith in their “goddess.”

* * *

Design Notes

The Verdant Lodge was inspired in equal parts by Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing, medieval tales of Faerie, and Twin Peaks. I like the idea of it being both a place and a person; I have no idea what that truly means, but it would be fun to find out in play.

Vorika has an antecedent in D&D's Zuggtmoy, of course, but the flavor has been enhanced by any number of fungal horror stories that have dropped over the last few years. The Dishonored games were also a big site of inspiration here. In one of my previous campaigns, Vorika was the big bad and her cult was bombarding Krevborna with plague cannons from a Vlaak outpost on the Bone Moon. 

Zhylasha started life as my take on Scylla, with some additional Cthulhoid weirdness and piratical themes added. There's probably a little Iron Islands in the mix, as well. Zhylasha was actually borne of a prior campaign in which the players released her from an undersea prison in the first adventure--and never regretted their choice.

Yazzo's Dead!

I ran a Krevborna one-shot based on the adventure "Tockworth's Clockworks" in the D&D book Keys from the Golden Vault. Here's how it went:

Characters

Angelique, polnezna spirit medium 

Damir, highwayman 

"Father" Severin, defrocked priest

Lady Jeanette, knight 

Fanlin, forest elf thief

Events

The characters were all in the employ of Sir Aubrek Salazar, one of the foremost military strategists in Krevborna. Sir Aubrek was currently acting as an advisor to one side of the Hellwar–the war between factions of devils that has spilled out in the Mortal World, causing chaos and destruction throughout the land. Sir Aubrek commissioned the dwarves of Lagh Farran, a town in the Karthax Mountains, to craft weapons and armor for the military leader he currently serves. The problem was that the armaments were now overdue, with no word from the dwarves of Lagh Farran. As such, Sir Aubrek sent the characters to Lagh Farran to resolve whatever impasse was keeping his weapons from being delivered.

In the earliest days of spring, they trekked through the mud churned up by the near-endless downpour of spring rain and climbed the steep mountain path to Lagh Farran. Lagh Farran consisted of an overtown (built atop the mountain) and an undertown (burrowed into the mountain itself). As they approached, they saw the overtown hosting more tents that they expected.

After inquiring after the chieftess of Lagh Farran, they were brought before a dwarven woman named Braitha Bragg, who had set up a makeshift headquarters inside the overtown's general store. She explained that Sir Aubrek's weapons were late in arriving because the dwarves had been chased out of the undertown when the vlaakish automatons they used as part of their mining operation went berserk. Braitha pinned the automaton revolt on their Iron Speaker, Torgh Taxus, who had apparently gone insane and had been experimenting with adding ancient vlaak technology to his body. With each piece of alien technology, he became colder and crueler, losing something of himself in the process.

Braitha told them that Torgh had a key that would trigger the kill switch to shut off all the automatons. If the characters diffused the automaton threat, the dwarves could retake the undertown and send them on their way with Sir Aubrek's weapons. 

After being led to the stout iron doors that sealed the undertown off from the world topside, they arranged for seven knocks to be the signal that they were ready to have the doors opened again. Down below, they found that Lagh Farran's undertown consisted of several "islands" that projected above a lake of magma that the dwarves used in their forging operation. The islands were connected by draw bridges, but some of them had been raised. A slagline--a chain and bucket system that moved counterclockwise--also connected some of the islands. 

Their path took them to the island of Old Lagh, where they saw several dead members of the dwarven militia. Traversing through the undertown meant sneaking around, trying to avoid the "watchdog" automatons that flew overhead. Of course, as the characters crossed the bridge onto Halfway Isle, they were spotted and an alarm went up. They ducked into the Hall of Ancestors, which proved to be a place of worship for the dwarves; it was decorated with statues of their honored dead clan leaders. 

Unfortunately, they had been followed by a "prowler" automaton, which battered the door down and came in looking for them. Although they tried to hide behind the dwarven statues, it spotted a member of the party and they were forced to battle it. Luckily, Lady Jeanette was able to decapitate the metal laborer. However, as the automaton fell, a gobkin and his tall, furry companion bolted from their hiding place in the Hall of Ancestors with a tied-up dwarven captive in tow.

Lady Jeanette threw the automaton's head at the gobkin, momentarily stunning him. The dwarf turned on his captive, kicking at his shins. Damir attempted to wrestle the gobkin into submission, but despite his small size the gob proved uncannily scrappy. His furred companion drew a flail from his belt, but Fanlin put him down with an arrow. ("Yazzo's dead!" cried the gobkin.) Angelique dragged the dwarf away and the gobkin was knocked to the ground. Sensing that he had no good way out of this situation, the gobkin surrendered. 

The dwarf was untied and told them that he was Stone Speaker Kazador. The gobkin introduced himself as Slink, and he made a deal with the characters: in return for helping them sneak through the undertown, they'd help him escape once topside. Slink took an especial liking to Father Severin. "Yazzo's in the past; the padre's the future!" he proclaimed. Slink immediately proved his worth by scouting ahead and showing the group how to move more stealthily through the undertown; he even managed to pull Father Severin to safety before an automaton could spot him when he stumbled over a loose cobblestone. 

They located a control room for the bridges and slagline, but the control panel was currently inoperable because one of the station's turbines had been tipped onto an automaton, trapping it. The automaton was  disabled from a distance when Damir shot it with his pistol, then they righted the turbine and fixed its connection to the eldritch machinery. They then debated for a long time over which bridges should be lowered and if the slagline's route should be reversed. 

Crossing into Smelt-Town, they found Torgh Taxus drinking by himself in a tavern--just as Slink had told them he would be. He was talking to himself, saying crazy things about how the Spirit of the Machine was talking to him and he didn't want to follow its dictates. The alterations to his body were disturbingly evident; one of his arms had been replaced by a mechanical limb, one of his eyes glowed red, and machinery was shifting and whirring under his clothes. The characters approached him cautiously, but he didn't seem to mind their presence initially. He even let slip that the key to the kill switch was up on the third floor of his workshop. His demeanor suddenly shifted and he attacked the group. Lady Jeanette damaged him so badly with her greatsword that he barreled out a window and, wreathed in arcane flame, flew off to seek shelter in the citadel. 

The characters ran to his workshop--the front door of which was guarded by a massive automaton holding a double-headed axe. They hatched a plan: Fanlin and Slink would hide themselves near the edge of Smelt-Town with a slack rope between them; Father Severin then taunted the automaton into chasing him; at the last moment, Severin juked to the side, and Fanlin and Slink raised the rope, tripping the automaton and sending it into the lake of magma.

Meanwhile, with the way now clear, Angelique, Lady Jeanette, and Damir entered the workshop--where they were immediately set upon by two worker automatons armed with wrenches who dealt them some pretty serious blows. Angelique ran up the stairs to the second floor while Damir and Lady Jeanette held them off. Angelique examined an occult vlaak symbol on the floor and...her mind was immediately invaded by the Spirit of the Machine, which screamed in her head in a language she couldn't understand. 

Damir broke away from the fight and scurried up to the third floor, where he began tossing the room looking for the kill switch key. Behind a painting, he found a wall safe--but had to wait until Fanlin made his way inside the workshop for it to be opened because Fanlin was the only one with the necessary criminal skills. Inside the safe was a jewelry box and a key to the kill switch. Once inserted and turned, all the automatons became inert and the Spirit of the Machine was banished from Angelique's mind.

They located Sir Aubrek's weapons and armor in the dwarven warehouse. They also thought they encountered a talking drill-truck of vlaakish design, but actually they were speaking to dwarf miner who had Killdozer'd himself inside it. They hooked the wagon loads of weapons up to the drill truck and had the driver head out to the overtown. (Slink was hidden under a pile of swords in one of the wagons.) Thus, they emerged as the saviors of Lagh Farran and had secured Sir Aubrek's armaments for the Hellwar.

Bad Praxis

The monthly mixes continue into March! Here we go: