Tuesday, April 29, 2025

SATANICO PANDEMONIUM EDITION (it's free, like your mom)

It's gonna be a long four years, ain't it?

Between the threats of insane tariffs and other moves to destabilize the global economy, who knows what's gonna happen to the tabletop gaming industry.

Luckily, we can always DIY our good times.

To that end, below you'll find a link to PLANET MOTHERFUCKER: SATANICO PANDEMONIUM EDITION. This pdf contains the original PLANET MOTHERFUCKER zine and all four supplements for the game: BLACK SUNSHINE, DEMONOID PHENOMENON, DEAD GIRL SUPERSTAR, and PUSSY LIQUOR.

Oh, that last one doesn't sound familiar? That's because no one besides me has ever seen it.

Here's the link to PLANET MOTHERFUCKER: SATANICO PANDEMONIUM EDITION.

I'm making the game available to everyone who wants it, for free, in the spirit of "Fuck this nonsense, let's do fun shit with our friends just to spite every joyless moron trying to make the world a worse place." Yeah, that's right, a full game, a two-hundred page book, and you can just have it on the house. 

That said, if you want to buy me a beer in thanks, I wouldn't say no. Here's my Ko-fi virtual tip jar.

Fair warning: PLANET MOTHERFUCKER is not for everyone. It's brash, crass, and patently offensive--just like America, baby. It's a post-apocalyptic rpg that is a love letter to trash culture, a scathing take on the peculiar strain of homegrown American madness, and a sadly prescient comment on the ways things are going.

Oh, you want a print copy? Here are some instructions on how to make one yourself that you can get here.

You're welcome.

But seriously, if you wanna buy me a beer you can do it here--lord knows I'm gonna need it. It's gonna be a long four years, like I said up top.

Got questions? Want to say 'sup? Email totgad AT gmail DOT com

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Old Sepulcher Road and the Seven Citadels

Two more adventure locations in Krevborna's Silent Forest. Old Sepulcher Road is my attempt at practicing what I preach: I think they idea of a "treacherous and/or haunted road" is under-utilized in world building. Part of the inspiration was passing a road called Hungry Hollow Road in my travels and being taken aback by how menacing that name was. The Seven Citadels is my nod to putting a little something into Krevborna for the sword & sorcery fans.


Old Sepulcher Road

Old Sepulcher Road cuts through Vargovishta Pass in the Karthax Mountains, stretching from Hemlock Hollow to the Silent Forest. 

    • The road is the hunting ground of the Bloody Bishop, a dullahan searching for his severed head. 

    • In life, the Bloody Bishop was a defrocked priest turned bandit who offered his victims no mercy. 

    • When he was captured by a local militia, he was tortured and decapitated—as an undead rider astride an undead steed, he  continues to terrorize the living.


The Seven Citadels

Seven tribes of heathen savages live within the Silent Forest. Each barbarous tribe’s territory centers around a tower of black stone that they both fear and protect from adventurers who wish to plunder the relics and ancient treasures within them.

    • The members of barbaric tribes decorate their skin with swirls of blue pigment; they practice cannibalism and ritual human sacrifice. 

    • The tribes’ territories encircle the black citadels, but even the most foolhardy tribal members never venture inside them to explore. 

    • Each citadel is the prison of one of the Fallen Lords—witch queens and princely warlocks who now exist only as shadowy wraiths lost to madness and despair.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Rogue Moon

Bad Books for Bad People, Episode 83: Rogue Moon

Algis Budrys’s 1960 novel Rogue Moon is a masterpiece of Sweaty Sci-Fi, a freshly-patented subgenre that will be revealed during the course of this episode. Jack and Kate take a trip to the dark side of the moon to ponder the meaning of life, love, the universe, and manly perspiration.

What happens when you get some Jim Thompson in your moon mystery? Are women more dangerous than a murderous labyrinth on the moon? And what, exactly, characterizes a work of Sweaty Sci-Fi? All these questions and more will be explored in this episode of Bad Books for Bad People.

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Lynbury

The adventure location described in this post about Krevborna's Silent Forest takes British "hauntological" works such as Children of the Stones and The Stone Tape as its point of inspiration.


Lynbury

Lynbury is a small village on the outskirts of the Silent Forest. It is surrounded by a circle of eldritch standing stones inscribed with druidic runes and sigils. 

    • Once the circle of standing stones has been breached, is is impossible to leave Lynbury; any attempt to leave shunts those seeking an exit back into Lynbury.

    • The people of Lynbury are unfailingly polite, kind, and welcoming. They encourage newcomers to make themselves at home and to consider settling down permanently.

    • Amiable companionship is used as a lure; those who enter the Lynbury Circle find that the populace of the village coax them to join in nights of drinking and singing at the village pub and offer to induct them into the village’s troupe of folk dancers. 

    • Any unattached visitors will discover that an attractive and attentive villager has set their eye on them as a romantic prospect.

    • The villagers of Lynbury are happy, but only because all other sentiments and emotional responses have been drained from them by horrid sorcery. 

    • Lynbury is a snare for the unwary and weak of will: Simon Glaston, Lynbury’s country squire and unofficial magistrate, taps into the magic of the standing stones to siphon away his fellow villagers’ emotions and feelings to feed an ancient pagan god.

    • This “god” is actually an eldritch entity from the Outer Dark known as Crom Cruach—also referred to as the Crawling King and the Conqueror Worm. 

    • If an outsider probes too deeply into the nature of the standing stones or the villagers’ unnatural happiness, Lord Glaston hunts them down with monstrous worms gifted to him by Crom Cruach.

    • The only way to escape Lynbury is to slay Simon Glaston and offer his blood to the standing stones. 

    • Although killing Lord Glaston will allow visitors to escape the confines of the Lynbury Circle, it does not banish evil from the village; once the current squire is dead, a villager will be elevated to his position and begin his malign work anew. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

Aeldentree and Camp Lovelorn Lake

Today we've got two very different locations within Krevborna's Silent Forest: a hidden city of insurgent fey and Gothic fantasy take on the slasher genre, complete with an unstoppable (???) masked killer. Aeldentree adds a bit of morally gray political terror (and terrorism!) to the setting. Camp Lovelorn Lake is, obviously, inspired by the Friday the Thirteenth franchise.


Aeldentree

Magical wards keep the once-proud city of Aeldentree hidden from the world. The city is built among the boughs of massive white birch trees and is home to a confederation of elves, goblins, and fairies from both the Seelie and Unseelie Courts. 

    • Aeldentree’s populace are descendants of fey who were victimized by human pogroms and usurped from their ancestral lands in Krevborna.

    • Aeldentree is a sanctuary, kept secret from the prying eyes and vicious intent of mankind.

    • The most militant of Aeldentree’s citizens belong to the Wild Hunt, a secretive cabal of insurgents.

    • The Wild Hunt fights a guerrilla war against mankind in Krevborna, hoping to one day reclaim the land as their sole dominion.  

    • The Wild Hunt ventures forth from the safety of Aeldentree to raid human settlements and wage a war of terror against humanity.

    • Powerful fey such as the Erlking, the Green Knight, and Baba Yaga support the Wild Hunt.


Camp Lovelorn Lake

Beside Lovelorn Lake, a placid pool of crystalline water in the Silent Forest, sits an eponymous campsite consisting of wooden cabins, a dilapidated dining hall, several fire pits, and a small jetty. A hand-carved sign hanging above the entrance of the site reads “Welcome to Camp Lovelorn Lake.” 

    • The cabins are well-constructed, but they show indications that they have witnessed violence in the past, such as aged bloodstains and the tell-tale marks left behind by a fearsome woodman’s axe.

    • Something unnatural in Camp Lovelorn Lake calls to teenagers on the cusp of adulthood, exerting a pull that draws them to come and stay during the golden months of summer—even if that means shirking their responsibilities.

    • The campsite is, of course, a trap; anyone who stays at the camp will be hunted by a demonic, mask-wearing killer who is bound to the site by a lingering curse. 

    • The masked killer believes that every soul he claims from a murdered victim furthers the goal of resurrecting his dead mother—whose decaying head he keeps in a woodland shrine deep within the Silent Forest.

Sunday, April 13, 2025

Adventure Design Checklist

Since I write most of my own adventures, instead of running prefab material, people sometimes ask me how I go about it. Without really meaning to, over the years I've developed a pretty straightforward process where I work through a checklist of ideas; by the time I get to the end of the list, I've usually got a scenario that's fleshed out enough to run without any hassles. Below is what I do; it may work for you, it may not. That's none of my business. It does, however, work for me.


Adventure Design Checklist

This is my checklist for designing an adventure:

  • What is the character’s goal in the adventure?
    • Are the characters meant to kill something? 
    • Stop something from happening?
    • Obtain information?
    • Explore a location?
    • Obtain an item?
    • Note: you don’t really need to figure out how the goal must be achieved–that’s on the players
  • What locations are likely to be visited in the adventure?
    • Make a list of places the characters are likely to go in this session
  • What NPCs are likely to show up?
    • Make a list of NPCs they might meet over the course of the session
  • What events might happen?
    • Are there any “set pieces” you want to detail in advance?
    • You might been to invent a few events to push things along or put on pressure if they players spin their tires for too long
  • Is there any mood or atmosphere you want to establish with an event?
    • Do you want to use any events that foreshadow events to come?
  • Is there any cool loot?
    • What above-the-ordinary items might they uncover?


Locations

These are the things I keep in mind while designing an adventure location whether I’m thinking generally of a whole building or site and when zooming in on specific rooms or chambers

  • Basic set dressing
    • Purpose of room or area
    • Furniture
    • Decorations
    • Sensory details
    • Cleanliness
    • Temperature
    • Important and/or hidden items
  • Are their people in this room?
  • Any strange or noteworthy objects?
  • Exits
    • Where does this place lead to?
    • What comes next after visiting this location?
    • Hidden doors or hiding spots?

NPCs

I make notes on each important NPC in an adventure in this format:

  • Basic abilities
    • What can this person do?
    • How good are they at fighting?
    • Do they have any magical or special ability?
    • What do they know?
    • Depending on the system, this is the stuff you might need to stat up ahead of time
  • Appearance
    • Basic description of physical appearance
    • Clothing
    • One noteworthy physical characteristic
  • Personality
    • General note on their basic demeanor (secretive, jovial, angry, etc.)
    • One noteworthy quirk that stands out
  • Motive
    • Most NPCs only really need one strong motive that they are laser-focused on
  • Flaw
    • Tragic flaw or exploitable weakness


Events

Things that could happen outside of the players’ control–the world moves around the characters whether they want it to or not

  • NPC encounter
    • Potential ally or enemy?
    • Chance encounters
    • Trading for information or a necessary item
  • Fight
    • If you know what fights are likely, you can get your stats organized ahead of time
    • Also, it’s not a bad idea to have a few fights lined up to move things along if they dither 
    • (Guards or other patrols are especially good for this aka “Orcs attack!”)
  • Foreshadowing
    • Is there anything you want to hint at that is coming later in the adventure?
    • You can use fortune telling, omens, symbolism, etc. to establish future tangents
  • Pressure
    • Anything that makes the players feel like they need to act now or get the show on the road
    • Anything that puts them in mind of a ticking clock
    • Or indications that if they don’t make a move, things will get worse or harder down the road


Loot

What stuff might they pick up on the way to their goal? I think of this broadly, not just in terms of physical items

  • “Magic” items
    • Equipment that bolsters their abilities
    • Or is at least better than their current gear
    • Keep in mind what they have, what they need, and what they want
    • (These are very different categories in practice)
    • If you anticipate the adventure being dangerous, seeding a few one-use healing items is a great idea
  • Information
    • Knowledge that helps them make better decisions is a kind of loot!
    • It could be where the thing they want is, an enemy’s weakness, the answer to a mystery that has been vexing them, the location of a shortcut, etc.
  • Allies
    • Allies are tools that can be leveraged for direct aid, information, guidance, healing, etc.
    • Keep in mind what their allies will be willing to do and what they won’t
    • Not every ally will stand by your side in combat
    • Also, the characters will need to put in work to maintain those relationships
    • Or at least be able to offer the ally something in return for their aid
  • New abilities
    • Occasionally, rarely I’d say, an adventure might even offer new abilities outside the scope of the usual “advancement” rules

Wednesday, April 9, 2025

Geldingstone

We had a one-session break in the superhero game we're playing, so I filled in with a return to Krevborna to advance the players nearer a goal one of them have set. I prepped just about the perfect amount of material for a single session, I gotta say.


Characters

Willard Corn, a man of mystery looking for his three-legged dog

Panthalassa, necromantic dinosaur summoner with a grudge

Garazi, precocious witch with a possibly dark destiny

Heck, revenant out for revenge against witchhunters

Daytona, dhampir gunslinger always along for the ride

Khamaat, ancient mummy revived for unknown purposes


Events

The characters all emerged from a mental haze within a forested grove--with no idea how they had gotten there. It was night, and moonlight shone down from a gap in the trees. Khamaat had a vague memory of an unknown bearded old man putting his hands on her and Willard's shoulders as they did research at the university library at Creedhall, but everything else was fuzzy.

Peeking out of a gap between trees, they saw a downward slope leading to a long rectangular building. In front of the main door were six figures wearing bronze breastplates and bearing longswords; they stood beside a gnarled old tree. From the skull masks they wore, they were likely members of the Fraternitie du Cadavre. 

Willard's attempt to approach the figures peacefully failed--they drew their swords and attacked! Additionally, the gnarled tree uprooted itself and joined in the fray. Their foes hit hard, but the party hit harder--although the armored guards were undead, they fell to the group's weapons and the animate tree was left little more than a burning stump. Panthalassa had summoned two raptors, and though they took down the tree, they were stuck to its sap-bleeding wounds as they also expired.

Now able to enter the building they saw that its name was etched in the stone above the doorway: GELDINGSTONE.

Garazi summoned Txori to scout the available windows so they an idea of what to expect in the rooms inside. In the library, among the theological works on the shelves, Panthalassa found one volume that just had a series of numbers on the spine as a "title." Removing it caused a section of the shelving to shift aside, revealing what appeared to be a small dungeon cell. The book was full of equations, but one--31-3=28-- was circled every few pages. It also matched a scrap of paper Panthalassa found in her pocket.

In the nearby office, they found a ledger with a list of boys' names and dates from long ago. Moving aside a painting revealed eyeholes that could be used to look into the next room unobserved. The room appeared to be a dormitory of monk-like cells.

When they entered the dormitory they discovered that hanging behind the desk was an iron rod and a number of switches. They also found a loose floorboard, under which was an old, folded-up piece of paper that read "Meet me by the tree tonight. Bring the book." in a childish scrawl. 

In other rooms they found evidence of the Fraternitie du Cadavre's necromantic activities, such as bones laid out on work surfaces and a room with tables full of preserved meat. Heck smashed the skeletons to prevent future animation attempts. While the destruction occurred, Willard remembered the bearded man telling him that there were Vlaak in Geldingstone and that the Vlaak definitely remembered who he was--as it turns out, Willard Corn is something of a bogeyman to the Vlaak. 

Additionally, Garazi remembered being paid a visit by a woman who kept one of her hands conspicuously out of sight.

As the ventured further into Geldingstone, three Cadavre cultists exited a room with their hands up. They just wanted to leave in peace, but Panthalassa wasn't having it--she summoned raptors and set them upon the three men, wrecking an unholy slaughter in revenge for them cutting off her arm months ago.

In the chapel, the uncovered the origins of the name Geldingstone. They found an ornate chair, with a hole cut out of the seat, that was used for turning boys into castrati for the Church's choirs.

Before they were killed, the three surrendering cultists had told the group that the key to the door they wanted was being guarded by a skinless monstrosity in the basement, so that's where they headed next. Wounding the creature caused it to expel a red mist that flooded the room; those within the mist found their vitality sapped. The skinless man killed every minion Panthalassa sent against it; each time it killed one it peeled a strip of skin from its victim, consumed it, and healed its wounds. 

The group did eventually prevail, and they could see the key they needed within its corpse, but the mist still pervaded the room so they retreated for the moment. Heck eventually decided to draw upon his undead vigor and run in to grab the key, wrenching it from the corpse. 

The key unlocked a chamber with a vast stone archway--the center of it was pure black. When they passed through the archway, they found themselves in a strange place. The ground beneath their feet was black. Emerging from a cave, they saw a fortress in the distance and heard the beating of great wings overhead.

They were now on the fabled Shadow Moon.

Sunday, April 6, 2025

The Silent Forest

From Nathaniel Hawthorne's "Young Goodman Brown" to Robert Egger's The Witch, "the woods" are a place where the laws of man--be they temporal, spiritual, or moral--are suspended in the wildness that resists the forces of civilization. If you want to have a Gothic-influenced setting, you need a dark forest where savage elements lurk in the untamed bosom of the natural world. The Silent Forest fills that role in Krevborna.

(art by Tenebrous Kate)


The Silent Forest

Forbidden and Accursed Woodlands 

The Silent Forest is a deep woods of misshapen trees whose limbs resemble clawed, skeletal appendages. True to its name, the forest is ominously quiet. Old burial grounds—their headstones cracked and the names upon them effaced by time and the depredations of nature—are slowly consumed by the green hell of the Silent Forest. 

Villages lurk at the edges of the Silent Forest, but the villagers warn their children not to enter the woods, as it is believed to cursed. When night falls, the malign creatures within the forest grow stronger, faster, and more ravenous. 

However, the Silent Forest is not wholly uninhabited. Those who live in proximity to the Silent Forest report that elves, goblins, and fairies possess a secret enclave deep within the woods, hidden from the eyes of human kind. Tribes of wildlings, regarded as cannibals  prone to scalping civilized folk who intrude on their enclaves, also make their homes among the Silent Forest’s twisted trees.  

Hallmarks

The following elements and aesthetic notes define the Silent Forest:

    • The forest is an accursed and unholy place; many sects of the Church forbid their parishioners from entering it.

    • Elves, fairies, and goblinkin maintain a hidden city in the Silent Forest.

    • The trees of the Silent Forest are often blackened and ominously shaped.

    • Woad-painted wildling tribes live deep inside the woods.

    • A family of bandits known as the Ulvarg clan hide within the Silent Forest.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Sir Edvard Hawley

Piskaro's most powerful villain is Sir Edvard Hawley, a spectral serial killer.


Sir Edvard Hawley

For the past thirteen years, Madchapel—a borough of impoverished slums mostly inhabited by destitute immigrants—has been the site of a series of brutal murders that are believed to have occult significance due to the ritualistic nature of the slayings. Sir Edvard Hawley, a minor noble and fraudulent “gentleman surgeon” with an interest in black magic, was suspected by the Rooks as being the Madchapel Slasher, but those conjectures ended with Hawley’s death five years ago.

The truth is that Edvard Hawley was the killer all along and continues to stalk the residents of Madchapel after death as a murderous wraith. He prowls by night, sometimes driven in a spectral black coach lit by baleful green lanterns, to hunt for victims. Anyone slain by Sir Edvard Hawley’s ghostly postmortem knife rises from the grave as an unquiet spirit under his control.

    • Appearance: Edvard Hawley appears as a grinning spectral man wearing a long overcoat and a top hat.

    • Personality: He does not even attempt to repress his murderous impulses.

    • Motive: He plans on branching out from Madchapel, adding unfortunate souls to his army of ghosts, until all of Krevborna is a spectral empire under his rule.

    • Flaw: Sir Edvard Hawley relishes the thought of possessing a body to continue his murders in the flesh.