Hold Out Your Bag for a Treat

Did you miss out on physical copies of MORBID FANTASIES? Well, we're in a trick or treating mood, so to celebrate Halloween, we're offering a completely free PDF copy of the book for you to read and enjoy. Follow this link to download your copy: http://bit.ly/morbidfantasies

Brought to you by Heretical Sexts, the finest purveyor of 'zines known to man.

Hot Men of the Monster Manual, Heaven and Hell Nightclubs, Puberty and the Phobia of Female Bodies

Hot Men of the Monster Manual (available from TopatoCo)











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The awesomely insane Heaven and Hell nightclubs of 1890s Paris (by Cyrlaque Lamar for io9)

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Puberty, Possession And The Phobia Of Female Bodies (by BJ Colangelo for Blumhouse)

A Sacrifice in Eisengraz

The episode began with Luka, Tristan, and Kylic gathered together at the Cat's Eyepatch to toast to the memory of the recently-departed Anton Sellvek. As the evening wore on, Luka suggested that it was time to return to Eisengraz, speak again to Celestine the Dove, and finally resolve the curse that was still afflicting the trio.

Before venturing forth, Luka put his affairs in order and decided to say goodbye to Ivara Olashenko in case this adventure was to be his last. However, as he was walking toward Ivara's house, Luka saw the young scholar being led from her home in chains by two parish officers. Luka stopped them and learned that Ivara stood accused of cold-blooded murder in a public square. Conversing with the young scholar through the bars of the carriage she had been loaded into, Ivara imparted that she had committed many crimes, but ironically had been arrested for a crime she didn't actually commit. She and Luka wished each other well, and she said that her mother would get her out of this one way or another.

The group hired Rafael, the coachman they took on their venture, and set off to the cursed village of Eisengraz. The journey to Eisengraz was largely uneventful, save for a duel that the group witnessed in a small town on the way. Their carriage was stopped along the high street by a teenage girl with tangled black hair and roughly-sewn clothes so that the duel could proceed in full view of the main thoroughfare. The duelists in question turned out to be a strutting peacock decked out in velvet finery, a ridiculously lacy shirtfront, and a flashy new rapier. His opponent was a blond woman wearing the rustic leathers of a forester. The dandy assumed a trained fighting stance; the woman simply drew her blade and ran him through in one thrust, leaving his body to fall in the street as she went back to drinking in the tavern across the street. Tristan admired her skill with a sword, but declined the opportunity to meet the winner of the duel. Rafael maneuvered the party's carriage around the dandy swordsman's corpse, and they carried on their way to Eisengraz.

The accursed village of Eisengraz still smoulders and stinks of fire, even though it was put to the torch generations ago. Luka could tell that a number of shod horses had been ridden into the town recently, but he saw no evidence of tracks leading away from the village--it was likely that the group was not going to be along in Eisengraz. Luka also used his connection to the land to determine that there were three supernatural forces at work in the vicinity: celestial (Celestine, obviously), the undead, and a dragon.

More evidence of other people within the town was discovered when the group spotted a number of horses tethered to the charred slats of a paddock fence. Not wanting to run into anything that would delay Luka's plan to speak to Celestine, the trio kept to the shadows behind the few remaining buildings in Eisengraz. As they approached the sound of an argument could be heard. Rounding the stone walls of Celestine's cottage, Luka, Kylic, and Tristan saw the Dove being confronted by Artem (their contact in the Church of Saintly Blood), a heavily armored woman, and a large number of armed acolytes wearing white tabards. Artem was haranguing Celestine that it was her duty to go with them, act as an emblem of the faith, and fight the darkness that troubles Krevborna on behalf of the Church.

This stand-off between Artem and his churchmen and the angel Celestine had been unwittingly set into motion by Tristan. Since Tristan had dutifully reported to Artem, his superior within the Church of Saintly Blood, Artem knew where the Dove was and set off with his lackeys to return Celestine to useful service to the Church.

Enter the player characters. What followed was a series of tense stand-offs, in which various parties tried to convince other parties of a course of action. Artem was insistent that the Dove needed to be brought to heel and re-bound into the service of the Church. The characters mostly wanted to deescalate the situation and for everyone else to be reasonable. The Dove noted the sword that she had previously bestowed upon Luka and told him that she had given him the tool, and now he had the opportunity to use it.

What she meant was that Luka has previously struck a bargain with Celestine: he was to take the sword she had forged and kill a priest with it. In return for this act of priest-slaying, she would lift the curse that afflicted Kylic, Tristam, and Luka. Now that there were a number of priests to choose from among Artem and his troop, Luka could simply kill one and fulfill the Dove's request.

But that wasn't Luka's plan. Luka drew the sword given to him by Celestine and...fell upon its blade.

Luka had been absent for the last few adventures that the rest of the party had pursued. On his own time, Luka was secretly pursuing priestly investiture; when he turned the Dove's sword against himself, he was effectively killing a priest as she had stipulated. 

Of course, Kylic and Tristan rushed to Luka's side to heal him back from the cold brink of death. As they did so, they felt the black tendrils that crept at the edges of their vision--an ever-present reminder of their curse--recede until it disappeared completely.

However, while the Dove impassively watched Luka's bloody self-sacrifice, a cohort of Artem's acolytes was approaching her from behind with a pair of rune-etched shackles. What followed was a series of melees interrupted by attempts to settle the situation. At various points: Kylic froze the shackle-bearing in place with his magic so he could later be easily disarmed from him; Celestine impaled a few of the acolytes on a silver spear; Tristan did his best to defuse the situation; Kylic faced off against the woman in plate mail, and surprisingly was getting the best of her; the newly-revived Luka put himself once more in the path of death by making himself a target for Celestine's fury--but a protective spell from Kylic kept him from being skewered by her powerful spear.

The skirmishes and arguments came to an impasse. In the heat of the moment, Tristan make a vow to Celestine...and then, a familiar sorrowful song was heard in the distance...and from the sound of it the source of the song was rapidly approaching. The singer was the ghostly presence of the deceased adventurer that the group had previously encountered within the Grail Tombs. She was followed by a roiling black darkness, within which could sometimes be seen shades of human faces or forms like that of man. 

The spectral presence was clearly angry; she accused Tristan and company of being oath-breakers since they had promised to free her from the crypts beneath the Church of St. Othric--because it had not been in their power to do so, she regarded them as untrustworthy and as objects of her frustrated revenge. 

(She also mentioned that she had been freed by someone else--surmised to have been the Master.)

The spectral woman returned to her song, but this time it was charged with her hatred and malice. Kylic, Tristan, and Luka felt the song roll over them like a storm of cold knives digging into their flesh, but they managed to stand their ground. Artem, his armored lieutenant, and most of the acolytes were not so lucky; they fell to the earth, their hearts stopped by the apparition's dirge. A new battle commenced. Kylic managed to disperse much of the roiling black cloud of desolation, but what remained troubled Tristan by draining away his bodily vitality. Luka wielded the rapier formerly in the care of Anton with aplomb. Tristan finally sent the spectral woman to a final rest in the name of St. Othric and destroyed what remained of the roiling dark.

When the dust settled, only one acolyte (named Wilhelm) remained alive. Celestine, who had withheld herself from the battle so that she might observe, was impressed that the party and the acolytes had fought side-by-side against the undead threat despite the fact that they had been enemies only moments before. In her eyes, perhaps their was still something worth saving within the troubled hearts of humanity--she pledged her aid against the darkness of the Master in the battle to come.

Most of the dead churchmen were buried outside accursed Eisengraz, but the bodies of Artem and his lieutenant were transported back to Chancel to be handed over to the Church for all due ceremony. Wilhelm was dropped off at the Church of St. Othric, so that he might learn further of the mysteries and contemplate his own survival after the events of the Sacrifice at Eisengraz. Sensing trouble on the wind, Kylic split from the group and went into hiding, telling his companions that if they needed him they should contact an urchin named Thinpenny. Luka made inquires and discovered more of the facts of the murder that Ivara was accused of, as well as that she was currently being held in Newmarket Gaol.

Back at the Cat's Eyepatch, a letter was waiting for Luka and Tristan. It reads:

Dear Sirs,

I regret to inform you that evil things are afoot in Sellvek’s Hollow. Please come when you can.

With Sorrow,

Seraphine

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The Spoils
XP - 825 each

Inspiration - Inspiration all round

Renown

Historical Inspiration for Liches

Need some inspiration for the villainous Big Bad Lich of your campaign setting?

Let these two historical lists guide the way:

List of sexually active popes

List of occultists

Ghost Souls

Proposed: Ghouls n Ghosts is actually a Dark Souls prequel. Discuss.







And while we're on the topic, check out Wisecrack's "The Philosophy of Dark Souls"; it made a lot of Souls fans angry, so you know it's good:

And if you want to catch up on the lore of Dark Souls, check out EpicNameBro's playlist.

Or VaatiVidya's Youtube channel, which is chock full of awesome Dark Souls content.

Finally, here's the Ashes of Ariandel trailer:

My Sweet Audrina

The potboiler Gothics of V.C. Andrews were beloved by adult women... and their tween daughters. Both Jack and Kate are new to the author's infamous tales of female woe, and they discuss what it's like to read her work for the first time during this discussion of Andrews' 1982 novel My Sweet Audrina. This claustrophobic tale of a girl raised with family secrets in the shadow of her dead sister proves to be a surprisingly traumatic experience for Kate who is forced to confront some of her darkest fears, including the horrors of inheriting someone else's kids.

Here to read an especially sensational passage from the book is Wendy Mays, hostess of Pet Cinematary, the podcast dedicated to taking a deeper look at the role of animals in film. This is her first time reading the work of V.C. Andrews as well, and it turned out to be a much more difficult task than your hosts imagined to find a woman unfamiliar with these macabre little novels.

How does the domestic nightmare world of My Sweet Audrina effect your hosts? Did V.C. Andrews' life experiences add to the intensity of her stories? What were your hosts reading as tweens? Why did tween girls love these depressing forays into mental illness and isolation so much? Find out all this and more on this episode of Bad Books for Bad People.

Listen to the podcast here.

The Wake

The King is Dead! Long Live the King! The death of Morpheus is, ultimately, a costume change as Daniel Hall assumes the mantle (and dialog font) of the departed Dream.

Having, at this point in its run, amassed an ensemble cast of characters, it's time for the curtain call and final bows. Among the break-out stars are Nuala, Rob Gadling, Lyta Hall, Rose Walker, et al. Everybody really. Even you.

And so it's Whatever Happened to King of Dreams, before that style of wake became a thing--a precursor to the notion of a wake as a celebration not of life but rather as a celebration of the surrounding mythology. Goodnight Dreaming, Goodnight Matthew the raven, Goodnight, Goodbye, Goodnight.

Having exhausted mythic Greek tragedy, the final act had to bend the knee to Shakespeare--covering both ends of how a British man forges the links between his epic and what we might think of as The Epics. Of course, the Shakespearean reference in the denouement has to be to The Tempest; if you fancy that you've written something lasting, you must also fancy yourself to be a (if not the) Prospero. You don't go into this business if you haven't enslaved Ariel only to set him free, if you aren't a bit afraid that Caliban is your reflection in the glass, and if you don't have a deep and abiding need to set things to right and be seen as the real hero for doing so.

Also, you want the privilege of being the one to tidy things up in the end, I reckon. Sometimes that cleaning of one's own doll house means killing off your protagonist, your proxy, your shadow-self in the shadow box you built with your own two hands.

Death is not the end, we're told. And it isn't. It's exile from life and from dreams. But never an exile from stories, no, never that. For that is the kingdom and key, even after you have abjured your rough magic, broken your staff, and drowned your book.

Stories end, and go on.

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Previous installments in this series:

Preludes and Nocturnes
The Doll's House
Dream Country
Season of Mists (part 1)
Season of Mists (part 2)
A Game of You (part 1)
A Game of You (part 2)
Fables and Recollections
Brief Lives
Worlds' End
The Kindly Ones

Morbid Fantasies

Morbid Fantasies, a book I wrote about Gothic literature, is now available to purchase directly from Heretical Sexts.

Here's the ad copy for the book: Morbid Fantasies is a richly illustrated reader's guide to Gothic literature, guiding fans both old and new over the ever-changing face of this most ghoulish of genres. In its pages, scholar Jack Shear covers the history, key themes, and major books in the Gothic movement from its inception through the current day. It's a love letter to this often misunderstood and under-appreciated form of entertainment, hand-bound and designed by Tenebrous Kate with featured illustrations by Dana Glover, Becky Munich, and Carisa Swenson.

This is what I want you to know about the book: I can honestly say that this is the publication that means the most to me. The ideas in Morbid Fantasies came directly from me researching and teaching Gothic literature for over ten years. And yet, this isn't an academic book; Morbid Fantasies is a book for anyone with an interest in Gothic fiction. My aim was to give the casual reader a primer on the Gothic's history, an idea of what to look for as you read, and a road map to what to read as you venture into the literature. Gothic novels were written to be enjoyed by people who read for pleasure, who want to experience wonderment and fright, and I want to help you find the enjoyment, wonderment, and fright I've experienced while reading these books.

This is what I want you to know about the artists who illustrated the book: the women who lent their talents to this project have taken my words and elevated them into something resplendent and fine. I was a fan of each artist who contributed to the book long before they were approached about working on Morbid Fantasies; each of them is ridiculously talented, and I am humbled that they deigned to gild my book with their art. Becky, Carisa, Dana, Kate--thank you.

This is what I want you to know about the publisher: Kate is a stalwart friend, and the best collaborator I could ever hope for. Not only do we have a reciprocal appreciation for the other's talents, we like to inspire each other to run with our ideas to see where they lead. Morbid Fantasies wouldn't exist if Kate didn't say "I want to publish that" when I mentioned the notion of writing a reader's guide to the Gothic. More than anyone else involved in the book, Kate kept the fires burning and the target in sight. And since Kate hand-assembled each book, the accolades for the book's aesthetic value are hers to collect. Kate--well, you already know how dear you are to me.

The hardcover version of Morbid Fantasies has already sold out. The softcover remains available, but only in strictly limited quantities. It's only available here, at the Heretical Sexts shop. And if you want to add any of the other 'zines for sale from Heretical Sexts, you won't be sorry.

The Many Crimes of John La Tier's The Tell-Tale Heart

Hold me closer, tiny lantern

• Okay, why are some rooms inexplicably smokey in the background? Are they covering up unfinished sets with a fog machine? Or is the police station on fire?
• I'm pretty sure "Carve me a chess set" is not an approved psychiatric treatment.
• In a reversal of the Gothic trope of a woman exploring an old house by the light of a flickering candelabra, our protagonist is exploring with the world's tiniest lantern. He's also using the lantern in a hallway that is already remarkably well lit.
• "I'm pretty sure this used to be a ballroom," Rose McGowan says, leading the protagonist...outside the house to a porch.
• The white flakes falling around them during this sex scene makes it seem like they are trapped in an erotic snow globe.
• "You've carved all the pieces for the chess set, but they still need to be stained," he says, looking at a chess set that already has two differently-colored sets of pieces that they are currently and successfully playing a game of chess with.
• "Sorry to disturb you so late," the cop says in front of a window through which seems to stream daylight. I guess the lights on the porch could be hella bright or something.
• Better movies this movie appears to be alluding to: Seven, Audition, Marathon Man, every film noir ever.
• Someone read Poe's story and thought, "You know what this needs? A plot line about PTSD." Poe's story about perverse and murderous impulses is now a statement about the under-funding of VA hospitals. Send help.
• This movie is clearly a labor of love--it took a series of failed and semi-successful crowd-funding efforts to get it made--so I really don't want to slam it too hard, but woof this not a good movie.

The Last Apprentice and 5e D&D

Joseph Delaney’s The Last Apprentice is a cracking series of books. (It’s also called the Wardstone Chronicles in the United Kingdom.)

The novels in this series are about a young man named Tom Ward, the seventh son of a seventh son. Being the seventh son of a seventh son opens up a strange job opportunity for Tom; he’s apprenticed to John Gregory, the "Spook" of their County.

Although something of a lonely outcast, a Spook is entrusted with dealing with the witches, boggarts, and ghosts that make mischief (and worse) in the area they’re sworn to protect. Armed with folkloric knowledge, bladed staves, a bit of the second sight, and a silver chain, Spooks are the common man’s protector against the forces of the Dark.

Though the books are intended for an audience of young readers, the writing is brisk enough for an adult to enjoy as they breeze through the volumes. The characters are compelling enough to hold interest, without being overly cloying or naive.

The books have great chapter illustrations done by Patrick Arrasmith. I mean, just look at this:

The way that British folklore has been woven into the books is subtle, but also sometimes unnerving. Some of the elder witches are quite monstrous. You wouldn’t want to find this in the your attic:

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If you’re looking for a darker point of inspiration for a campaign about novice adventurers, the Last Apprentice novels would be the perfect starting place for young adventurers being trained-up to the task of protecting their village from evil. It would be a good fit for 5e D&D characters at the early levels, say 1-3 with 3rd level being their "graduation" into junior Geisters.

As an example from my own Krevborna campaign setting, the characters would all be apprentices or agents of Mad Meg, the local Geister, an aging woman who was once an adventurer in service to the county of Lychwyck-supra-Mare, but who now finds that the years weigh too heavily upon her–age makes it impossible for her to fulfill her duties.

The characters would receive guidance from the Geister, but would also be expected to investigate and solve problems involving the supernatural in her stead. In their downtime, they would make their home at the Geisterhaus, and have access to its amazing library of occult lore.

Another gameable item: there's a lot in these books that helps situate what character classes look like in a setting based more on folklore than fantasy.

If you want a cool model of how the relationship between a warlock and their patron might go down, check out Alice and the Bane in Curse of the Bane. Damn. If you want a model of how a pact can go horribly wrong, check out what happens when Morgan tries to obtain power from the "winter god" Golgoth.

One way to envision the 5e ranger is to think of them like the Spooks in Joseph Delaney’s The Last Apprentice books:

• Spooks are specialists in dealing with ghosts, witches, and boggarts (favored enemies!). 
• They travel around their assigned county protecting the people from evil supernatural forces; indeed, the first part of a spook’s training involves them learning the lay of the land so that they might use it to their advantage against their foes (favored terrain!). 
• To combat the forces of the Dark, they use martial skill (combat styles!) and folk magic (ranger spells!). (The Spook even sets his apprentice to learn all the witch-lore he can from the young witch Alice.)

The Master Claims a Soul

Tobias and Tristan's exploration of the Unseelie fey manse in the last session gave the group a good idea of its layout and its diplomatic purpose, but it didn't necessarily point in a definite direction as to how to proceed. There was some talk of returning to the manse to rescue the abducted child kept by the Lover of Twilight; the idea of tracking down the Knights of Lilith to forge an alliance against the Master was considered; finding an alternate cure for the curse that afflicts Kylic, Tristan, and Luka was a possibility; investigating Ivara or the Rue sisters was also floated as a potential course of action.

Ultimately, Kylic decided that it was best to confront the Master's threat against Krevborna directly. By using the fingerbone of St. Othric, Kylic had a vague notion of where they could find the Master. Kylic assembled a crew with Anton and Tobias, and hired a young coachman named Rafael to drive their carriage. Since the saintly relic pointed south and east, the group was traveling toward Krevborna's coast. The dog days of summer had ended, the air is turning chill and the leaves have begun to turn as the harvest approaches.

Eventually they were forced to abandon the roads and travel across open ground. The fingerbone finally brought the party into view of a black castle that sat upon a rocky outcropping of a dark stone precipice overlooking the sea. The castle looked to be in good repair, and yet, there was no well-worn path leading up to it; the castle looked as though it has simply been dropped into place. Oddly, no one in the party had ever heard of a castle being located in this particular place.

Since the group had arrived at the castle toward the end of day, they decided to make camp and approach the castle under the full light of the sun. Unfortunately, Anton was surprised during his watch by a cold "hand" upon his neck that drained his strength. Anton shouted a warning to his friends sleeping in the carriage and engaged the man-shaped shadowy figure that had attacked him as a similar blot of vile darkness approached the carriage's door. 

Despite the creature continuing to drain his strength, Anton's agility and prowess with a rapier got the best of the shadow-monster. Tobias blasted the figure of darkness through the window of the carriage--destroying the window in the process--but the figure still managed to reach in and drain away his vitality as well. Kylic tapped into the power of the cosmos and managed to banish the remaining shadow-monster. The party saw that it snaked away into the night and made its way toward the black castle on the precipice. 

The party chose to take another extended rest to regain their strength after the night's skirmish, putting their approach of the castle at midday rather than morning. The gate of black iron bars proved to be a challenge to entry, as it had no hinges to swing upon and no obvious way to raise or lower it. Anton decided that the easiest way through was over the walls. Using a grappling hook, he managed to scale the wall; luckily, he was able to avoid the shards of broken glass that had been embedded in the top of the wall. Wrapping his hand in his cloak, Anton smashed the glass away in an area large enough to make for safe passage over the wall for his compatriots.

The castle proved to have three stories, a number of connected towers, stained glass windows throughout the second and third levels, and only one obvious door at the front. Tobias sent Malphas to scout the perimeter of the castle, which discovered an ornate spiral staircase decorated with heraldic beasts that led up to a door on the second floor. It was decided that the back entry perhaps provided a safer entrance into the castle.

Anton attempted to pick the lock on the door at the top of the stairs, but found it immediately beyond his abilities. Other methods of entry were discussed, but Anton decided to give the lock another go. As he bent to work on it again, the door swung open on its hinges ominously. Within the room stood a long dining table. At one side of the table sat two bloated and eyeless corpses. On the wall facing the party was hung a painting consisting of two panels: one panel showed a religious figure in a white cassock being led in chains by fiends, the other panel showed the same figure in the white cassock having his tongue removed by fiends using metal pincers.

The party cautiously edged their way past the corpses at the table by sticking to the opposite side of the room. The door near the disturbing painting led them into a hallway, where they began to open doors to get the lay of the land, discovering a grand staircase leading down to the castle's main entrance and a conservatory equipped with a pipe organ. A crash was heard from the room they had just left, a likely indication that the corpses had left their seats and were coming after the group now that they were within the interior of the castle.

Anton hid in the room with the pipe organ, setting himself up to snipe at the corpses. Kylic readied himself to take action should a corpse appear in the doorway, which it did. Using his mystical power, Kylic slammed the door shut in its face. Meanwhile, one of the bloated, gas-distended corpses entered the room that Anton was hiding in from the adjoining door between the conservatory and the dining room. The shambling corpse did not notice him, which allowed him to pierce its belly with an arrow. A hiss of escaping fumes could be heard issuing from the wound. Now that the animate dead thing knew Anton was in the room, combat was joined. Switching to his rapier, Anton proceeded to stab the abomination in its gut, releasing more and more of the gas within it until its belly hung like a deflated balloon. Unfortunately, in the process Anton took a number of vicious, stunning blows from the thing's decaying fist. A final blow sent him reeling to the ground and everything went black for the ne'er-do-well nobleman.

Things were also grim in the hallway, where Kylic attempted to shield Tobias as the warlock attempted to best the walking dead man that had shattered the door and was now attacking them. Kylic took several wounds from the undead monstrosity, but kept himself alive through healing magic, all the while Tobias was blasting away at it with his fell sorcery. 

The situation became dire when the shambling corpse that had felled Anton stepped into the hallway behind Tobias and Kylic. Tobias turned his attention to the new interloper and dispatched the already badly-damaged thing with a well-placed blast of eldritch power. Kylic chose to risk taking a glancing blow from the monster he had been holding at bay to rush to the side of Anton. Tobias managed to blast apart the final abomination.

It was, however, too late for Anton Sellvek. Though he made a valiant effort to to save his compatriot, Kylic arrived in time to hear the death rattle of his fellow adventurer.

Deciding, perhaps wisely, that the black castle had already taken too much from them, Tobias and Kylic carried Anton's body from this sad scene and made good their retreat. On the way through the dining room to the black spiral stairs, Tobias noticed that the figure in the white cassock being tormented by fiends in the painting had been replaced by the likeness of Anton Sellvek, now forever trapped in spirit within the Black Castle of the Master.

Back in Chancel, funeral rites were performed for Anton Sellvek. Attending were a number of Anton's upper-class swells from his gambling and drinking forays, as well as an inconsolable Mirella--the woman who still assumed that the dead man she mourned was her savior.

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The Spoils
XP - 693 each

Krevborna Death Count

Perugian Witch, Carl von Cosel, Defining Ghost Hunter Fiction

Perugian Witch, 1908 (Beachcombing's Bizarre History, sent to me by Gustavo Iglesias)

Carl von Cosel Documentary (Charlie Hintz for Cult of Weird, sent to me by Kreg Mosier)

Toward a Definition of Ghost Hunter Fiction (Tim Brasil for The Merry Ghost Hunter)

Emotional Shit

SPOILER ALERT FOR LotFP's FUCK FOR SATAN 

There is a chamber in Fuck For Satan’s dungeon in which the characters magically shit their pants and then have to fight their own turds:

This seemingly empty, featureless cell contains a disembodied consciousness which can only possess the excrement of living beings. When the cell door is opened, the being will immediately be in the guts of every living creature present, causing severe debilitating pain as the being forces stomach acid through the intestinal tract (certain chemical properties of the acid is what allows the being to propel the resulting mass), and in two rounds all within the area will vacate their bowels. Each combination of piss and shit, even though possessing one collective consciousness, will act independently. 

Yeah, that is a thing that happens in the adventure. 

I’m not offended or shocked by the above, but I do think it is a lazy and dumb attempt to be offensive and shocking.

Nevertheless, we can think metaphorically about this shit-stirring room instead of thinking on a literal level where you are attacked by the shit your carry in your body. Think about all the other shit we carry around in our daily lives: the petty concerns, the haunting memory of past failures, our anxieties about the health and happiness of our families, the barely-repressed traumas that always already lurk on the edges of our psyches. What if entering the chamber caused that shit to pour out of the characters and coalesce into a monster to be combated? 

Isn’t that at least a little more weird and interesting than "I hit my poo for 2 points of damage"?

This variation on the encounter would work best if the characters have developed back-stories through play. I would describe the "shit" differently to each player based on the mental and emotional burdens their character carries from past adventures, or as something pulled from their background that has figured into the campaign in a meaningful way. Hell, since these are adventurers we’re talking about, you should have plenty to work with. 

Sure, my hack of the shitmonster isn’t genius stuff, but I think you’ve got to admit that confronting your own psychological baggage is a hell of a lot more in tune with the Lovecraftian "we are insignificant specks doomed by our own cosmic irrelevance" trope than wrecking your trousers.

Theatre of Fear and Horror

Mel Gordon's Theatre of Fear and Horror: The Grisly Spectacle of the Grand Guignol of Paris 1897-1962 is many things under one set of covers; it's part history of the macabre Grand Guignol theatre, part analysis of the appeal of the theatre's horrific spectacle as popular entertainment, a catalog of the kind of plays that were performed at the theatre, and a reproduction of a few scripts and original documents from the theatre's history.

The historical section of the book is brief. It reads as a survey, primer, or overview; it could be that much of the Grand Guignol's history has been lost and thus can't be related, or it could be that the ups and downs of the theatre's business isn't nearly as interesting as the violent and excessive productions that took place on its stage.

If Gordon has a fault as a writer on historical oddities, it's that he tends to lean toward the mythology of his subjects rather the historical record. Some areas of the history are so thin that their inclusion feels perfunctory; the section on the kind of special effects used during performances amounts to "They used a lot of fake blood and other things." It's a shame not to cut deeper when talking about the Grand Guignol.

Gordon's analysis of the Grand Guignol connects its drama to the turn of the century French fetish for naturalism, but that only seems like half the story. The Grand Guignol certainly began as an enterprise to bring naturalism to the stage, but its evolution as a theatre specializing in horror means that other unaccounted for influences became interwoven with that initial artistic premise; as de Lorde's essay makes clear, there is a heavy debt to the Gothic that just doesn't factor into Gordon's appraisal of the kind of art produced for the Grand Guignol's stage even though the lineage of Poe and his antecedents looms large in the theatre's melange of influences.

The capsule summaries of a selection of plays from the Grand Guignol's history--from sex farces to its infamous shockers--are interesting, as far as they go, but the cataloging of the plays just leaves you hungry for the real thing. The historical documents, such as Andre de Lorde's essay on fear in literature and Maxa's "autobiography," fare a bit better as historical curiosities. The color plate reproductions of posters advertising the theatre's gruesome wares are quite nice. The book concludes with two scripts from plays performed at the Grand Guignol. Reading the plays is, of course, a pleasure secondary to seeing them performed, but even so the scripts give a sense of why people were attracted to the theatre and became habitual attendees. 

Overall, the book feels slighter than it should--especially for a revised edition. Still, with so little published on the Grand Guignol, Theatre of Fear and Horror is an ideal starting point if you're interested in the topic.

Total Skull - Horror Movies Watched in Sept. 2016

October is traditionally a month in which I watch little else but horror movies, but the spookshow train left the station a month early this year. Horror flicks I watched in September, 2016:

Rob Zombie's 31 isn't a surprising movie. The plot, which centers on a group of carnival workers being abducted and brought to a nightmarish factory to be hunted down by crazed killers in a contest put on for the enjoyment of rich folks, mixes "The Most Dangerous Game" with a hellish take on American Gladiators. Although that premise is somewhat well-worn at this point, and the film itself sometimes recalls Zombie's prior (and better) movies, there is something interesting in the commentary about how the underclass gets pitted against itself for the benefit of the enfranchised in America. Also, forget Suicide Squad, 31 has the better Joker.

I originally saw Rob Zombie's Halloween remake in a theater where, oddly, Alice Cooper and his band and crew were sitting nearby and watching also. I remember having mixed feelings about it at the time, so I thought I would give it another viewing to see if my impression of it would change. I always thought the first half of the movie, in which we get a long look at Michael Myers's terrible home life and the events leading up to him being locked up as a dangerous killer, worked well to establish a gritty, grindhouse tone; this time, I found the rest of the movie more compelling--Myers having a reason to stalk Laurie Strode adds texture to the surface of the slasher genre, as does the film's lurid ending.

Jennifer's Body is another movie I couldn't get on board with the first time I saw it, but I have since come to enjoy it on its own kitschy level. I think the movie would be stronger if it were willing to go further into horror territory at points instead of hovering in the borderland of horror-comedy, but the parts of the movie that work do work well. It is crazy how dated many of the references and allusions are, not even ten years later.

Whoever recommended this to me owes me a god-damn apology. Utterly devoid of anything interesting, Oculus is a movie content to drift in a Sea of Beigeness. Can we call for a moritorium on horror movies as metaphors for white people in bad relationships? I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw the Blumhouse logo come on screen.

I avoided the sequel to The Woman in Black for a long time; I really liked the first one, but Angel of Death seemed destined to be a hollow capitalization on the previous film's success. But it turns out that this is a decent movie. It is not nearly as atmospheric as the original film, and relies far too much on audio to provide moments of fright, but this is a better than average take on the British ghost story. It's the Atonement of horror movies.

It's hard to believe that a movie with two women cited as co-writers in the credits has such a superficial take on the horrors of the beauty industry. Much Nicholas Wending Refn's earlier effort Valhalla Rising, The Neon Demon posits that style can completely replace substance. I...disagree. Although the visuals and imagery are often striking, there was not nearly enough story here to make for a satisfying experience. 

If Wake Wood is the Irish answer to Pet Sematary, it clearly didn't hear the question properly. There is the shadow of a good idea here, but it's let down by the low budget and lack of commitment to fleshing out a story. The absence of any surprising or twists on familiar burial ground also plays heavily to the movie's detriment; turns out that raising the dead is a bad idea, who would have thought?

The Quiet Ones is a great example of how aiming for a PG-13 rating can squander any potential a movie might have. There was maybe a better film struggling to get out of this one--the 70s British setting had potential to go in a doomy direction or a psychedelic occult direction, the premise had a bit of Machen and Wheatley to it--but the movie's unwillingness to go there held it back from being anything more than mediocre. I'm more and more convinced that if you're going to make a ghost movie you have to commit to going Full Uncanny.

The Diplomatic Manse of the Unseelie Court

While the rest of the party recuperated from their trip to the doomed village of Eisengraz, Tobias and Tristan consulted the various resources at their disposal--student of the arcane Ivara Olashenko, high-ranking cleric Artem van Hoven, and the semi-deceased wizard Jokanaan--about the nature of the angelic being that has seemingly set Luka Lillithian on the path of murdering a priest. 

They learned that Celestine the Dove's name was formerly an appropriate appellation; in generations past, the Dove would descend from the heavens at times of great strife to make peace among would-be combatants or to convince men and women away from violent courses of action. There are no records of Celestine arriving at Eisengraz to prevent its destruction by inquisitors looking to stamp out heresy in the village, but it may be the case that that part of the church's role in its destruction has been suppressed or left unrecorded. What is evident, however, is that Celestine disappears from the historical record directly after the immolation of Eisengraz--she had not been heard of since, until now. Artem, in particular, was very interested in learning her current whereabouts and made Tristan swear that he would bring him any new information uncovered in that line. And, should the need ever arise, Jokanaan informed Tobias party that the most efficient way to battle against the Dove is to use enchanted weapons and powerful magic.

Their research leading no further, Tristan and Tobias cast about for something to get involved in. Reports have been circulating Chancel for some time now of frequent sightings of the fey in the Umberwell woods just north of the city. Going into the thick forest of Umberwell meant trekking by foot; however, as deep as the woods are, the duo happened upon an unnatural clearing--at the center of which stood a strange manse. The building was not a construction made by mortal hands: instead of wooden planks, the walls were of living wood that grew from the soil itself; the roof was a canopy of greenery; the windows were translucent panes of something like milkweed pod. 

A more conventional door stood at the top of steps crafted from roots and unearthed stone. Malphas the imp was sent to reconnoiter the building, but found no other entrances or even signs of habitation. Tobias could tell from the motif of interwoven ivy, moons, and stars that this was likely an abode of the Unseelie fey. Knocking on the door produced no response, but it proved to be unlocked and easily entered.

The interior of the manse was a satire of a grand human dwelling. Tiles of stone heaved up from the earth comprised the flooring, tangles of roots around which danced will o' wisps made do as chandeliers, and what furniture they saw seemed to grow from the soil as plant-like approximations of man's handicrafts. Doors abounded in the manse's foyer, and so they set to exploring.

In what appeared to be a dining room--it featured a long dining table set for guests--they found a lone red-headed child dressed in a pinafore holding a knife and fork. The somewhat petulant child explained to Tristan and Tobias that she had been taken from her family by the fey, and also that they had stolen her name. Later, when the duo would attempt to take the child with them as they left, she demonstrated the extent to which she is entrapped in the manse: when she tried to step foot across the building's threshold, she was snapped back as if drawn by an invisible rope tied round her waist and dragged through the house, where a door ominously clapped shut as she was pulled into the ballroom.

Listening at the door of another room revealed the sound of male voices in conversation. Knocking on this door silenced the voices, then the door was thrown open, revealing three men in ornate armor chased with blood-red enameling. Tristan recognized the dragon heraldry on their armor, and knew them to be Knights of Lilith--warriors sworn to the service of Countess Alcesta, the vampiric ruler of Lamashtu. The trio of knights offered Tristan and Tobias wine and poetry, but were declined; all the while, Tristan was fighting the urge to attack these willing servants of the undead, but ultimately the knights were left to their drink and their verses.

Other strangeness was unveiled as the pair explored further. Although there were no other apparent entrances into the manse, three doors led "outside." One door led to a frozen arbor of trees coated with a thin layer of ice, another to a pair of blazing bonfires around which cavorted laughing maidens whose hair was tipped with flame, and a third to a pool of dark water whose surface was broken by the appearance of a pale woman's hand before it disappeared back into the depths.

Things found within other rooms hinted at sinister mysteries: a mirror whose surface swirled with black fog, a suit of armor that leaked sand when prodded--which was eventually swallowed up by the pile of sand that formed around it.

Perhaps strangest of all was the ballroom. Upon a series of black and white stones contrived as a dance floor whirled a cohort of the fey: animal-headed men danced with wicked-looking fairies, goblins frolicked with hairy things, all to the tune of discordant music that seemed to require no musicians for its creation. Watching the revelry were three figures seated upon thrones of black briars: a shadow-skinned woman with light-colored hair in a gown that shown with the light of pinprick stars, a gnarled man with slate-gray skin whose head seemed too large to be supported by his bent body, and a sodden woman whose long ebony hair dripped water that pooled at her unshod feet. Tristan and Tobias merely backed away from this sight and closed the door behind them, hoping that their intrusion on the revelry was unseen and unnoticed.

Another room contained naught but two piles of corpses. One pile, which consisted of five women in black lace dresses who had been pulverized by massive force, were recognizable as belonging to the group of witches the adventurers had previously encountered in the tombs beneath the Church of Saint Othric. The other pile consisted of two pale men in velvet finery with stakes driven through their hearts. 

In their second meeting with the Knights of Lilith, who Tobias and Tristan interrupted making their way out the front door of the manse, the purpose of the manse was at least partially explained: the manse was a place created so that the Unseelie fey could meet with those who sought their aid in the coming invasion of Krevborna by the forces of the foreign Master. The Knights of Lilith were there as representatives of Lamashtu, seeking the Queen of the Unseelie Court's help against the coming of the Master. The vampires in the room were likely the Master's agents sent to beseech for the same aid. And the witches had likely been a diplomatic mission of the same sort. The stakes through the hearts of the Master's vampires and the crushed bodies of the witches indicated that some diplomatic efforts had not gone well.

Feeling they had learned all they could by scouting the manse, Tobias and Tristan left and returned to Chancel to regroup and ponder their next move. Oddly, as soon as he left the Manse Tobias had no memory of what had happened within the building. Back in Chancel, the duo met again with Ivara Olashenko to learn what they could about the fey. Pulling down old books of fairy lore from her shelves, Ivara found an entry that described the Lover of Twilight--the fey woman with the gown of twinkling light and luminous darkness. She is a consort and handmaiden of the Queen of the Unseelie fey. If the group wanted to rescue the red-haired child they might win back her name by defeating the Lover's champion in combat.

* * *

The Spoils
XP - 450 each

Renown -