I've written a Christmas story every year for the past three years. This year's story is set on PLANET MOTHERFUCKER, so be forewarned: this story may just ruin your Christmas. If Santa's pooper, elves with big titties, or murderous reindeer ain't your bag--keeping walkin'.
For those built of stronger, stupider stuff:
Look upon my works, ye Merry, and despair!
I present: WE THREE KINGS LAY MANGLED AND TORN
The Vulture
The Vulture is a riverboat that travels the waterways of the Vespermark. It only docks in one place long enough to lure hapless travelers and “guests” into the perpetual fey masquerade ball that rages onboard. Visitors seldom leave alive.
• The Vulture appears to be a luxuriously appointed riverboat; once inside, visitors discover that it features uncountable rooms that defy the ship’s outward dimensions.
• The boat is the site of a luxurious and never-ending masquerade ball presided over by Lady Devanya, an imperious and mercurial fey noble of the Summer Court.
• Lady Devanya’s ball offers endless opportunities for dancing, feasting, gambling, and other pleasures.
• However, Lady Devanya is capricious and cruel; anyone who breeches her ever-shifting rules of decorum or who refuses to wear a mask while aboard the Vulture will face her wrath.
• Those who are obsequious enough, or who bring Lady Devanya a unique gift that catches her fancy, might be granted a wondrous boon—though this boon turns to ash as soon as they lose her favor.
Damophet, The Demon Lord of Hell
Damophet was the first devil, created when the leader of the rebellious angels was cloven in two and cast out of Heaven. Since he was the first of his infernal kind, Damophet is sometimes simply referred to as the Devil.
• Damophet’s avatar appears as either a loathsome goat-headed demon or a beautiful horned man with golden hair.
• Above all else, Damophet craves power over mortals; he expects obedience from both his demonic and mortal servants.
• The one commonality in cults devoted to Damophet is that they all aspire to empower themselves through worship of their dark master and currying his infernal favor.
• Ironically, the worship of Damophet is itself a metaphorical set of iron shackles; Damophet ensures that he always holds dominance over those who serve his ends.
Hekala, Queen of the Winter Court
Hekala is a powerful fey queen who rules the Winter Court; she is as cold and cruel as the eternal ice that rimes her realm.
• Hekala’s avatar is a tall, alabaster woman with viciously pointed teeth, a gown made of ice, and a crown fashioned from human bones.
• Hekala only extends her favor to worshipers who prove their strength and ability to endure; among her worshipers are people who resorted to cannibalism to survive, those who persevere against the elements, and other folk willing to go to extremes in order to thrive.
• The snow elves of Eisengraz are the most numerous cultists devoted to Hekala.
• Boons from Hekala often take the form of magical weapons, such as runeswords and other tools of prodigious violence.
Ilkhan, Demon Lord of Blood
Ilkhan is an especially warlike demon lord who is pleased by the violence promised by conflict and strife.
• Ilkhan’s avatar appears as a man or woman, flayed of skin, wearing the bloodied clothes of a military leader.
• The Demon Lord of Blood inspires discord because it is the kindling from which the conflagration of slaughter blooms.
• Ilkhan is mostly venerated by soldiers, mercenaries, knights, and other members of military organizations.
• Cultists who serve Ilkhan placate and honor their lord through mass bloodshed; singular sacrifices mean nothing to Ilkhan—it thrives on carnage.
Krevborna is centrally located on a continent called Urazya. If you need to understand where these nations sit in relation to each other, imagine a map of Eurasia; I’m confident you will be able to figure out where the following countries should be placed.
The detail below will be sparse by design; Krevborna is the main event, this is all just background flavor--with the added opportunity for Game Masters to expand with their own material, if they want.
Yre
Yre is a green isle of bogs, hills, and deep forests at the northwest extremity of Urazya. The island is a patchwork of warring clans, some of which remain pagan despite the best efforts of proselytizing monks and priests from the Western Church.
Language: Kurgic
Albitza
The White Isle of Albitza is a land of perpetual rain and drear south of Yre. The Middle Kingdom of Albitza seeks to conquer the Northlands and the Wolflands to unite the island into one nation.
Language: Albitzish
Narske
Narske’s cold northern climate and near-perpetual snow has made its populace resilient and bold. Unable to sustain themselves on agriculture alone, sailors from Narske are much-feared as raiders who pillage the coasts of other nations.
Language: Narskan
Rhus
Once the mightiest empire of Urazya, Rhus has been reduced to a magically tainted badlands. It is only home to roving monstrosities and once-human abominations. Krevborna’s royal family was originally an offshoot of Rhus’s rulers. Rhus is due north of Krevborna.
Language: Rhuski
The Khanlands
The Khanlands are a seemingly endless expanse of steppes flowing east from the borders of Rhus. It is the domain of horse-riding nomadic tribes whose leaders are all said to be descended from a single legendary warlord.
Language: Khandic
The Ustalecht Paladinate
The Ustalecht Paladinate is a confederacy of states west of the Vespermark that consider themselves the rightful heirs of the Eastern Church’s authority. Each state is ruled by a “Lord Paladin,” a knight elected by the resident noble families. Despite the name, not every paladin of Ustalecht is noble or pious. The Paladinate is collectively one of Krevborna’s ancestral foes.
Language: Ustalechtian
The Rhomish Principalities
East of Krevborna lies the Rhomish Principalities, a collection of petty kingdoms that frequently make war against each other. The holy seat of the Western Church of Holy Blood is the state of Rhom, the City-State of Cathedrals.
Language: Rhomian
Morgundy
Morgundy sits on the western coast of Urazya, due south of Albitza. Morgundy considers itself the pinnacle of culture on the continent. Recently, a number of peasant uprisings against the heavy taxes levied by the nation’s nobles point toward the possibility of bloody class warfare.
Language: Morgundaz
Castalonya
South of Morgundy is Castalonya, a warm, sun-kissed land locked in a bitter conflict between two heirs to the kingdom’s throne. Castalonya is a nation of sailors; Castalonyan explorers have even made excursions to the mysterious continent of Merhk in the far west. Pirates rule the westernmost tip of Castalonya, where they maintain an enclave called the Port o' Gulls.
Language: Castalonyan
The Ebrian Empire
The Ebrian Empire borders Krevborna to the south. The Ebrian Empire’s vast reach includes Tystolya, the former seat of the Eastern Church’s Patriarch and Novi Mudraal at the tip of a southern continent known as Akelb. The Ebrians worship a bellicose fire god–considered one of the worst heresies by the Church of Holy Blood.
Language: Ebric
Ontioch
Ontioch, also known as the Holy Land, is the supposed birthplace of the Khristosa. Currently a war-torn land caught between the Ebrian Empire and western crusaders who wish to reclaim it, Ontioch largely lies in ruins.
Language: Ontimaic
Gurkhesh
A land of spices and silks south of the Khanlands, Gurkhesh exists under the colonial rule of trading Albitzan companies. Known as the Land of a Thousand Gods, Gurkhesh’s religious practices are poorly understood by the rest of Urazya.
Language: Gurkheshi
Nikondo
Nikondo is an island of the far east. Though it has an emperor, said to be descended from a pagan moon goddess, Nikondo is actually ruled by military leaders who oversee a caste of hereditary swornswords. The people of Nikondo fear that bloody civil war is inevitable, as each military leader sees themselves as the one destined to unite the country.
Language: Nikond
Karl Edward Wagner’s 1975 sword and sorcery epic Bloodstone is the first full-length outing for Kane, mighty-thewed protagonist of a series of short stories and novels. Jack and Kate navigate a treacherous world of shifting political alliances, alien technology, and bat-monster-goddess girlfriends to figure out where Kane fits in the world of fantasy fiction.
Has there ever been a trustworthy alien intelligence in a fantasy novel? Can a simple outfit swap transform a butch into a femme? Is there a secret (or not so secret) gothic lineage to this fantasy series? All these questions and more will be explored in this episode of the podcast.
