Speaking of Strahd, did you think we
were going to get out of this novel with him playing his “organ”
again? SUCKER! “One afternoon, he sough distraction by playing
the organ. The diversion worked for a while, wrapping him up in its
reverberating music that sang to his soul/ His fingers flew over the
keys, coaxing chords that echoed his torment yet brought release from
it.” So, Strahd gets bored, his “fingers flew” over his organ,
and “coaxed” something out of it that 'brought release,” huh?
Seriously, Golden? So much to answer for.
While Strahd is masturbating furiously,
Jander continues to be a shit-heel. Jander asks Sasha to help him
fight against Strahd, but Sasha replies that he has real
responsibilities—like to the community he serves as a spiritual
leader and as a husband-to-be. Jander, predictably, flies into a
rage: “Jander's silver eyes flashed with anger. 'I don't want to
hear about your responsibilities. I don't care about your fiancee.”
Those are real quotes. He says these things in his out-loud voice
instead of keeping them part of his inner dickhead monolog.
Basically, he's a sociopath. Which makes you wonder, why doesn't he
just mentally dominate Sasha into going along for the ride? Oh wait,
that's right, because Sasha's a man and Jander only bends women to
his will.
In a move that will surprise no one, it
turns out that Strahd is the one responsible for driving Jander's
dear Anna (the mentally ill woman he was ballin') into madness. In a
convoluted “twist” that no reader could possibly give a fuck
about, Anna is revealed to be a piece of Tatyana's soul that was
transported from Barovia to the Forgotten Realms at the moment she
jumped from the towers of Castle Ravenloft. That Strahd is the big
villain all along was obvious; he's the only bad guy the novel ever
mentions so it was clear he would end up being the Big Bad. What is
a mystery for Jander was never a mystery for the reader. Golden is
clearly no Agatha Christie.
Of course, the revelation of Strahd as
the central villain comes about through an avalanche of back-story
and flashback sequences. The only thing I really gleaned from it was
this piece of advice I wish I could travel to Ravenloft and give to
Strahd personally: Dear Strahd, if the girl you're obsessed with
keeps calling you "Old One," either her name is Anna Nicole
Smith and she's just being honest or she just isn't that into you.
Eventually Jander & co. confront
Strahd in the crypts, and Strahd is driven off but not killed. For a
climatic scene, it's utterly empty of any tension or real feeling of
threat. Strahd buggers off to heal up so he can play with his organ
some more, Jander realizes that Ravenloft has just been funnin' with
him this entire time, and Sasha has to go into hiding. The best part
about the end is that Jander dies. I just wish that had happened on
page 2 of the novel and not page 239.
Cole did this and he wants you to know it is based on an actual picture of Jander.
Oh, and because we can't have nice things and because Ravenloft truly is a world that hates us, Jander is retconned back into unlife in some god-forsaked supplement. There is no justice, none at all.
